Broken Dreams
by 2Padfoot00Moony7
Summary: Remus is secretly seeing Lily... Sirius finds out... What happens when James finally cottons on?...Who can Remus rely on? RLLE eventual RLSB
1. Broken Dreams I

Broken Dreams

* * *

Forbidden kisses.

Passionate snatches.

Hidden trysts in the broom cupboards.

That's all they were and Remus knew it.

If they ever told anyone then he would be a dead man.

That's why it was a secret.

If James found out then Remus' life would never be the same again.

That's why it was a secret.

If their relationship was out in the open, then Remus would have nothing left.

That's why it was a secret.

A sordid little secret.

He was sure Sirius knew, the knowing looks, the sympathetic glances, the sarcastic comments.

But Remus couldn't bring it up without admitting to it.

And that he couldn't do.

Because it was a secret.

A sordid little secret.

That's why Remus looked on when James pinned Lily up against a wall and tried to kiss her.

He tried to block out the roaring in his ears, the anger blurring his vision, his fists curling.

He stared daggers at James, desperate to lunge at the stupid boy and knock him senseless.

He could feel the anger, the tension building in his chest.

Lily pushed James away angrily.

"Go out with me Evans?" He asked cockily, trying to kiss her again.

Remus sighed, his anger over-bearing.

"Let her go James, you've done enough." Remus said coolly, his voice slightly threatening.

James snapped round to face him, raising an eyebrow. "I want my fun first." He smirked and tried to kiss her again.

Remus ground his teeth and Sirius held his arm tightly.

Lily, having had enough did what Remus whished he could do.

She punched James.

And he dropped to the floor.

"For gods sakes Potter! When will you learn that no means no?" She snarled and kicked him sharply in the stomach.

"Oh go on Evans, go out with me?" James slurred from the floor, refusing to give up.

Remus closed his eyes tightly to stop himself from screaming.

"Hmm… let me think about that. NO!" She went to walk away and glanced at Remus, "Anyway, I already have a boyfriend thanks."

Remus' eyes widened and his stomach dropped.

"Who?" James cried lividly, scrambling off the floor. "Tell me!" He demanded.

"Tell _you? _I prefer my boyfriend alive thanks it's easier to sha -"

"James! Leave it!" Sirius said firmly and dragged him away, leaving Remus and Lily stood awkwardly in the corridor.

"A - are you okay?" Remus finally asked.

Lily nodded, her eyes on the floor.

Remus crossed the space between them and took her in his arms. "I'm sorry." He whispered sadly. "I'm sorry I couldn't do more."

She leant into the embrace and sobbed into his chest.

"It's okay Lily, it's okay. I've got you now." He said soothingly, rubbing comforting circles on her back.

They stood like this for a while until Sirius and James appeared at the end of the corridor.

James' eyes narrowed when he saw them stood together but Sirius, apparently unbothered, called out, "Coming Moony?"

Remus nodded and walked away from Lily, smiling warmly at her.

She smiled back, tears still streaking her face.

"What were you doing?" James shot at Remus once he reached them.

"I was comforting a friend." Remus replied, satisfied as jealousy stirred within James' eyes.

"I bet you were." James said spitefully.

Remus shook his head angrily. He knew what was coming. "If you're going to ask me, just ask me already!"

James frowned at him then spoke, "You are just fiends right?"

Remus rolled his eyes and nodded. "What else would we be?"

James muttered something under his breath and hurried on ahead, leaving Remus and Sirius together.

"I know you know." Remus said from the corner of his mouth, keeping his gaze on James' back, "So don't bother saying anything."

"Just pray to god James doesn't find out, if he does, then you're as good as dead." Sirius replied grimly.

Remus turned to him suddenly and stopped. "You won't tell him will you?" He asked desperately, fear in his eyes.

Sirius shook his head. "Of course not. Just don't let it split up the Marauder's."

Remus snorted. "It's my fault as it is, it's not as if I don't know what I'm doing, if James found out then you and Peter could side with him and I wouldn't care."

Sirius looked at him sadly, "The Marauder's wouldn't be the same without you though."

James picked that moment to turn round. "Are you two snogging or something?!" He bellowed down the corridor. "_Come on!"_

Remus jumped and Sirius blushed beetroot, both quickening their step.

-X-x-X-x-X-

The next Saturday, they were lounging around outside in the shade of a tree trying to hide from the sweltering heat.

James cocked an eye open and watched as Lily Evans and her friends walked past.

"Go out with me Evans?" He called cockily.

"In your dreams Potter." She called back, a two fingered salute to match.

"Ouch." James grinned, clutching at his chest.

Remus rolled his eyes and caught Lily's gaze. She smiled at him and he smiled back reassuringly.

James noticed and frowned at Remus, "What have you done to deserve a smile?"

"I'm not a complete arse towards her!" Remus retorted, waving at Lily as she walked away.

James snorted. "Well, at least everyone knows she's mine."

"Yeah… I'd hate to see what you'd do to a bloke that attempted anything with her." Sirius smirked, glancing at Remus knowingly.

Remus gulped.

"What we do to Snape would seem like nothing compared to what I would do to them." James grinned evilly and Remus shuddered involuntarily.

"You know, you can't help who you fall for James." Remus said lightly, glancing at Lily.

"Oh I know that, but Lily is _mine. _No-one else's. Mine." James replied possessively, shutting his eyes lazily.

Remus bristled, irritated by James' attitude. "So you can sleep with half of Hogwarts but she's not allowed her share of fun? God James, no wonder she keeps refusing you, I know I would!"

James sat up quickly. "What's brushed you up the wrong way?!"

Sirius was watching them carefully, his attention directed more towards Remus than James.

"Because she's my friend James! You and Sirius treat girls like crap. You use them once and then ignore them, you don't regard their feelings or anything! And that James, is why Lily will never even give you a second glance." Remus said angrily, satisfaction spreading through him as he saw something like jealousy stir in James' eyes for the second time.

He had still not forgiven James for his drunken attack on Lily.

"Yes but what girl can reject _me?" _He laughed. "I mean look at me, I'm perfect!"

"Still haven't got Evans though have you Prongsy?" Sirius said softly.

Remus stood up, his head hurting. But a smirk was threatening his lips; he had the one thing that James could never have.

Lily Evans.

He started walking towards the girls and Lily happily waved him over.

He engaged in a light conversation with her, well aware that James was watching them with increasing agitation.

"I don't get it, she'll talk to him but not to me?" He turned to Sirius and Peter. "What's he got that I haven't?"

Peter didn't say anything but Sirius spoke uncertainly, "Remus has got a point mate." He laid a hand on James' shoulder.

James sighed and watched as Remus wandered back over. He asked once again, "You are only friends, right?"

Remus looked up, startled. He nodded in response and only Sirius saw the lie in his eyes.

They sat in peaceful silence for half-an-hour until the girls started stripping off to tiny bikinis and running into the lake.

"Fancy a swim guys?" James asked at large, his eyes never leaving the water as he stood up.

Remus tensed, sensing James' intentions. "On one condition."

James looked at him.

"You leave Lily alone." Remus had stood up too, almost challenging James.

James pouted then agreed. "Fine."

He stripped off too and dived into the lake, yelling, Peter followed him without hesitation.

Sirius raised his eyebrows at Remus, "We'd better keep an eye on them."

Remus nodded and stripped off shyly, calmly walking down to the water, very aware of his exposed torso.

Lily paused in her game when she saw him and smiled encouragingly.

Remus smiled back, knowing Lily had no problem with his scars.

He entered the water but was instantly pulled under by Sirius who had sprinted ahead of him.

They came up, spluttering and coughing.

"Sirius!" Remus all but yelled.

"Sorry! I thought I saw a fin!" Sirius said sheepishly.

In the two minutes Remus was trying to make sense of this, Sirius had screamed again and launched himself at Remus, leaping into the werewolf's outstretched arms.

He started pointing and yelling hysterically at a piece of rock that was sticking out of the water.

"…Sirius? Er - it is only a _rock_ not a fin you know." Remus bit his lip, trying not to laugh.

"Oh." Sirius climbed out of Remus' arms but stayed close to him as though afraid.

After half an hour of being followed around, Remus started humming the Jaws theme tune quietly.

Then he turned quickly and pounced on Sirius, the two of them tumbled under water, Sirius screaming blue murder and Remus laughing.

The girls were laughing too as they surfaced and Sirius started paddling desperately to shore.

Remus shook his head and stood up, the water only reaching his waist.

He shook his wet hair out of his eyes and waded towards shore, chuckling as Sirius splashed away.

He reached Lily and smirked at her.

She saw the predatory look in his eyes.

She smirked too.

And he settled down next to her, revelling in the relief the cool water brought on such a hot summer day.

He splashed her slyly.

She splashed him back.

He blinked a few times, letting icy droplets drip down his face before tackling her into the water.

She landed on the bottom and gazed up at him, her green eyes excited.

He smiled lightly, his eyes landing on her supple lips.

He licked his own and they were lost in each others eyes until Sirius sniffed loudly.

Very quickly, they sprang apart, their hearts racing with adrenaline.

-X-x-X-x-X-

Remus was wandering round the dusty library after dinner, trying to distract himself from his increasing anger at James.

Just after dinner he had screamed at James to stop talking about Lily like she was an object.

And then he'd stormed out.

He sighed and sat down in a secluded corner, he leant his head on the table and rubbed his temple.

His head was throbbing.

Sordid little secrets were hard work.

Lips brushed lightly over his neck and he jumped a foot in the air.

Lily smirked at him before pressing her lips against his.

"Thank-you Remus." She murmured as she pulled away.

"What for?" He asked, his arms pulling her close.

"I heard what you said to James." She leant her head on his shoulder as he played with her tangle of dark red waves.

"Remus… Is - Does Sirius know about us?"

Remus froze, his hand falling from her face.

"What makes you think that?"

"He keeps giving me funny looks and smirking whenever I talk to you." She replied.

"He knows." He said simply before kissing her gently. "But he's promised not to tell a soul."

"Fine." She muttered, her eyes closed as he leant in and kissed her furiously, her hands pressed him closer still.

Somebody dropped a book from the next aisle over and they both sprang apart.

Remus grabbed Lily's arm and pulled her behind a statue of some famous wizard author or other.

James and Sirius rounded the corner and Remus' heart leapt into his mouth.

He glanced at Lily and saw that she was just as shocked as he was.

"Well he's not here. Give me the map Sirius." James demanded, holding out his hand.

Sirius shook his head. "No. You know he doesn't like us using the map to spy on people."

James groaned. "But he's with Lily, I just know it!"

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Why are you so obsessed with them! They are not together!" He snapped.

"Ooh touchy! Your time of month or something? Just give me the damn map!"

"No! You know Remus thinks it's invading privacy and he'd hate us if he knew!" Sirius shook his arms and leant against a bookshelf.

"Why do you get so defensive about him? Fancy him or something?" James asked over his shoulder, shifting through paper that was on the table.

Sirius blushed. "Course I don't. I'm not even gay."

Remus snorted and Lily dug her elbow in his side.

"Look, they clearly aren't here and even if they were together, don't you think we'd know?" Sirius stated crossly. James didn't answer and Sirius continued. "The guy's finally getting laid! He'd more than likely tell us if he was." Sirius cried desperately, his gaze falling on the statue and a frown flickered over his face.

James turned round and stared at him incuriously. "Sirius, since when he does he talk about girls like we do? You heard what he said to me!"

Sirius shifted uncomfortably. "Can we please just go? I don't like the library; the books make me nervous."

James laughed shortly. "It's your fault, you gave them time to hide! If only you hadn't knocked over that bloody book."

Remus felt a surge of affection for Sirius.

James was now frantically picking up notes that were on the floor.

"Oh for crying out loud James! Moony is not screwing Lily now can we please just _go!" _Sirius finally snapped and he literally dragged James away.

Remus and Lily sighed in relief.

He turned to her. "I told you Sirius wouldn't tell."

-X-x-X-x-X-

Remus was on his own in the dorm later, quietly reading when the door burst open and Sirius walked in.

"That was a close call today Moony, you need to be careful! It was a good job that James was swimming around trying to scare me or we'd be picking up your body parts right now." He said cheerfully, flinging himself down on Remus' bed.

Remus nodded distractedly. His eyes lingering on Sirius' stomach where his shirt had rode up and the belly button exposed.

"Not to mention in the library!" Sirius added.

Remus smiled, "Yeah… thanks about that, I knew I could trust you."

"You and Lily. Never thought I'd see the day." Sirius continued, crawling up to lay next to Remus.

Remus murmured in his throat. "Well, you have."

Sirius sat quiet, lost in thought for a moment.

Remus went back to 'reading'.

"Rem… h - have you two, you know -" He gulped. "- actually slept together yet?" Sirius asked cautiously.

Remus blushed and nodded slowly, nibbling his bottom lip.

Sirius put his head on Remus' shoulder. "Was it everything you thought it would be?" Sirius inquired.

Remus jerked slightly, "Yeah… everything I expected and - and more."

Sirius nodded sadly.

"Rem… is this - is this something personal. I mean, you're not just doing this to prove to yourself that you're better than James are you?" Sirius started absentmindedly stroking Remus.

Remus frowned. "Of course not! I really like Lily! I - just - I hate lying to everyone! But the deceit and everything, it makes it so much more exciting and intense." He finally admitted, swallowing back words he wanted to add.

Sirius nodded in agreement. "I know what you mean. I cheated on this girl once, it was amazing while it lasted but we got found out and my actual girlfriend was so upset, seeing how much it hurt her, I vowed to never do it again."

Remus turned to Sirius, slightly surprised. "That's got to be the most intelligent thing I've ever heard you say." He sighed sadly. "You're right of course, someone always gets hurt."

"Do you love her?" Sirius asked suddenly.

Remus pondered this before answering, "Honestly? I can't say I do. To me, love - love is a very strong word and people say it much too lightly."

"Like me." Sirius said quietly. "I always say to girls that I love them and I've never meant it but now… now I've truly fallen and I can't tell them."

Remus frowned. "You're in love?"

Sirius only nodded, his hand pushing Remus' shirt up slightly so he could circle Remus' belly button.

"With a lad I take it?"

Sirius started. "What?!" He asked sharply as he sat up.

"Oh come on Sirius, James might be blind but I most certainly am not."

Sirius gulped. "Wh - what do you mean?"

"Two months ago you stopped bringing girls up here and started going out instead and normally you flaunt the girls!" He paused in thought. "Plus, you got very secretive and wouldn't say who you were meeting, that and you took the map with you."

Sirius' mouth had fallen open slightly.

"You've been jumpy and defensive too. I guessed that something major had happened and you'd talk when you were ready." Remus shrugged.

Sirius shut his mouth and shook his head slightly, "You're too perceptive for your own good you are." Sirius laid back down. "But you're absolutely right. You - er - don't have a problem with it do you?"

Remus chuckled. "What do you think? It would very hypocritical of me to abandon you just because your gay, I'm a werewolf for christs sake!

Sirius grunted.

"So who has the Hogwarts residential playboy fallen for?" Remus joked playfully.

Sirius bit his lip.

How hard could it be to say it? How hard could it be to simply say _you?_

"Sirius?"

Sirius looked up blankly before realising he hadn't answered.

He blushed and looked away whispering "Nobody."

"Not James is it?" Remus asked lightly.

Sirius laughed dryly. "No, falling for my male best friend? Not a good idea."

Remus put his book down and curled up with Sirius.

"Do you think I'm making a huge mistake Padfoot?"

"I don't know Rem. It's up to you isn't it? It could be counted as good as cheating because of how much James wants Lily but they're not technically going out so…I don't know." Sirius finally replied, his eyes drifting shut.

Remus shut his eyes too. "Well, it's happened. No going back now."

* * *

**For those of you who are waiting for The Perfect Prank sequel; I am writing it. I'm just taking a break from it and doing this one instead.**

**First chapter, any good?**

**Just incase anyone got confused: Remus is currently with Lily, Sirius knows about it and he also fancies Remus. James suspects but doesn't know.**

**Review xD**


	2. Broken Dreams II

Chapter 2

Lily slowly stepped up the stairs on her way to the boys dorm, praying that they wouldn't creak.

She opened the door with a non-verbal spell and soundlessly slipped inside.

She tip-toed over to Remus' bed and pulled back the curtains.

She froze.

"Rem?" She finally whispered, recovering from her shock. She prodded him in the shoulder a few times, careful not to touch Sirius who was draped all over the werewolf.

Remus blinked sleepily a few times and smiled as Lily came into view, then frowned as he realised Sirius was practically pinning him to the bed.

Lily giggled dryly, her eyes searching their entwined limbs and her mind ticking furiously.

Remus slipped out from underneath Sirius, gently putting the covers over the animagus.

Sirius grumbled in his sleep and grabbed Remus' wrist, "Don't go Rem." He mumbled sleepily, turning over.

Remus grinned sheepishly and removed Sirius' fingers from his wrist.

Then he turned to Lily and the two of them went downstairs.

Once settled down on a big red sofa, Lily turned to Remus and asked, "What was all that about with Sirius?" Though her tone was casual her eyes were accusing.

Remus smiled slightly, "We were talking earlier and we must of fallen asleep. What did you think we were doing?" He asked, feigning ignorance.

She smiled stiffly and replied, "I didn't Remus, that's why I asked."

Remus smirked to himself but said nothing, knowing full well what Lily was implying.

-X-x-X-x-X-

Sat at breakfast the next morning Remus was working his way through a piece of buttered toast when Sirius kicked him under the table to get his attention.

"Where did you go last night?" Sirius asked almost casually, prodding at his bacon as he spoke.

Remus' head snapped up and he stared at Sirius, "What?" He asked sharply.

"Last night. I woke up and you weren't there." Sirius shrugged. By now James and Peter were watching them incredulously.

"Were you two in _bed _together?" James asked, mouth hanging open.

Remus shot a nervous glance at Lily who was listening closely, "Well no, not really, it was just that we were talking about things, about all sorts really and then Sirius fell asleep and I must've fallen asleep too and then -"

"Moony, breathe!"

"Shut up Sirius, then I woke up and went to the toilet and then left Sirius in my bed and slept in his so no we never actually _slept _in the same bed, just fell asleep in the same bed." Remus realised he was babbling and quickly shut his mouth.

Sirius smirked down at his plate, carefully avoiding Remus' eyes.

"Why so defensive about it? You two always sleep together." James mused, smirking at Remus' expression.

"I _do not _sleep with Sirius!" Remus hissed shrilly through his teeth.

"You know you want to." Sirius said with a suggestive wink.

James rose sceptical eyebrows and sighed when Remus threw his toast down and angrily stalked out the Great Hall, muttering, "Bloody git. Thinks he's all that, well - " as he walked out.

Sirius watched him go with a strange sort of satisfaction.

James sighed again and glanced at Sirius, "Who's going?"

Sirius frowned at him then his gaze fell on Lily and he called, "Oi! Evans! Go after Remus will you? Make sure he's alright!"

"Why me?" She bawled back, confused.

"Because you're a girl. And right now Remus needs the feminine touch! I would send James but he's _too _feminine." Sirius bit his cheeks to stop himself from laughing.

James scowled at him.

"Fine. But you owe me Black!" She shot back and also rose from the table.

"Of course Evans." He grinned at James who was now watching him suspiciously.

"You know something I don't." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

Sirius shook his head, "You Jamsie-boy are clearly losing your marbles. What could _I _possibly know that the great, amazing, all-seeing, all-knowing James Potter doesn't?"

"You know something about Remus or - or Evans … or both." James folded his arms crossly. "Shit." The penny dropped. "You idiot Sirius Black! He _is _withher isn't he?"

"You are paranoid Prongsy old boy. Remus and Lily _are not _together!" Sirius said calmly, pouring out more pumpkin juice. "Why are you so convinced that he's the secret boyfriend anyway?"

James wrinkled his nose, ignoring Sirius. "Why did you tell Lily to go? Why didn't you just go yourself?"

Sirius shrugged. "I'm the on who upset him and he and Lily are friends, makes sense." He looked up and rolled his eyes at James. "For godsake James! Have a little faith in your friends! We had this debate last night and I refuse to do it again this early on."

Sirius downed his pumpkin juice and left too, knowing he needed to warn Remus.

Peter glanced uneasily at James, "I've got to say, I don't think Remus would do something like that."

James snorted. "Yeah right, who knows what he's capable of? Help me catch them Pete, please. Sirius wasn't very good at it. But you'll be good. You'll help me won't you?" He asked a little desperately, alarming Peter.

Peter bit his lip.

"I don't know James, isn't it a little too much like spying?" He asked uneasily. "It would be betraying his trust too much."

James groaned. "Please Pete! I had all that of Sirius! No-one else will help and I promise once we prove or disprove it then - then - we'll pull the ultimate prank of your choice!"

Peter gulped. "Fine. But just so you know, I don't like digging around where we're not wanted."

-X-x-X-x-X-

Sirius opened the door quietly, catching Lily and Remus unawares.

Remus barely glanced at him, already knowing who it was, trusting Remus, Lily didn't open her eyes.

Sirius calmly walked into the dorm and went over to his trunk, ignoring the couple entwined on Remus' bed.

"Oh, by the way Remus, James is starting to get suspicious. Thought I'd better warn you." Sirius stated as he sat down on his own bed.

Remus shot up quickly, his eyes narrowed. "What have you been saying?"

Sirius held his hands up defensively. "Nothing! He won't say why he's convinced that the secret boyfriend is you mind. But I assure you, I have said nothing."

Remus regarded him warily. "You better not have Padfoot!" He growled.

Sirius smirked. "I haven't and I wouldn't. Now, fancy a game of fetch before lessons start?"

Remus sighed. "I'm a little busy right now." he said, indicating Lily.

"Ah well, too bad. It was just that James was only about ten minutes behind me…"

As if on cue the door was flung open again.

Remus leapt off the bed and onto Sirius', practically landing in Sirius' lap.

James scowled when he saw Lily, stomping over to his bed and ignoring her.

He turned his back on her and frowned at Remus and Sirius who were rolling around, growling at each other, fighting over some unknown reason.

Sirius ended up on top. "I win." He ginned, a bright happy smile, then he pushed Remus mercilessly off the bed and onto the floor.

James watched with interest, a plan formulating in his mind.

-X-x-X-x-X-

After lessons that night, the Marauder's were sat in the Common Room.

Sirius was leant on Remus and James was sat in the arm chair opposite them.

Peter was sat in front of the fire and muttering to himself, marking down notes on a piece of paper.

"Why do you two always sit like that?" James asked suddenly, nodding his head towards Remus and Sirius, knowing that Lily was in ear shot.

"Is it against the law?" Sirius asked lazily, Remus didn't even look up from his book.

James folded his arms and pretended to be thinking. "You know, I was sure I heard a rumour about the two of you the other day."

Sirius barely glanced at him.

"A couple of girls were saying that they'd seen you two snogging in the Library."

Remus' grip on his book tightened but he refused to take the bate.

Sirius however, took it hook, line and sinker. "What?" His voice was deadly quiet.

"Dunno mate. Just what I heard."

Sirius made to get up but Remus held him down firmly, finally looking up from his book. "It's a rumour James_. A rumour_. I can tell you now that Sirius and I have definitely _not _been snogging in the library. You know full well that Sirius is banned from there anyway."

"Been snogging somewhere else then?" James smirked.

Remus blushed, "Course I haven't. I promise you that I've _never_ snogged Sirius at any point at any time. -It's-a-rumour-." He added through gritted teeth.

James shifted, disgruntled. "Are you sure it's only a rumour though? I mean, I've often thought that there was something more than friendship between you."

Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "Me and Padfoot are _friends! _Nothing more. Just like Lily and I are friends and John and I are friends."

James smirked again, "So you mean that all them are your friends with benefits?"

Remus growled and threw his book at James. "No! I don't have any _'friends with benefits'!"_

James smiled to himself. "So why do you never look at girls then?"

Remus rose an eyebrow, "Do you really not know?"

Early on, Sirius and even Peter had cottoned on to the fact that Remus did look at girls but preferred to stay single because of his furry little problem.

Only James remained ignorant. Apparently.

James stayed silent.

Remus shook his head angrily. "How can you not know?! If you were me, would you really want to get involved with someone?"

Sirius could literally see then tension rising.

"I'm only saying -"

"Well don't James! God, you sit there accusing me of snogging Sirius and then, when I tell you that it's a load of bull, you won't believe me! You won't even trust me! So just don't say anything!" Remus snapped, removing his intense gaze from James and realizing that Lily was listening to every word of their conversation.

"Is the thought of kissing me really that repulsive?" Sirius joked. Remus chose to ignore this.

"I think it would be… your another boy." Peter piped up. Remus' gaze stayed fixed on Lily who was calmly ignoring him, a light blush the only indicator she could feel his stare.

Remus got to his feet and walked over to her, glaring coldly at James as he passed.

Sirius watched as he whispered something to her. She blushed again and nodded and they were gone from the common room.

"Could you get any lower?" Sirius angrily asked James. "You know why Remus stays away from girls!"

Peter was watching them intently.

"And why drag _me _into it! Do you honestly think that Remus would ever have a 'friend with benefits'? Moony isn't like that! He believes in love and all that crap."

James glared at him, "Can you say that the pair of you don't at least appear closer than just friends?"

"Crying out loud James! That is all we are! Friends and that's all we're going to be!" Sirius snarled, picking up Remus' book and climbing off the sofa. "I'm taking this upstairs before you throw it on the fire and blame Lily or something."

"That means you _want _to be more than friends with him." James called after him.

Sirius stuck his finger up at James and stomped his way upstairs, once again leaving James and Peter.

"That _was _pretty low."

"Shut up Peter."

-X-x-X-x-X-

When Remus returned later on, James and Sirius were sat waiting for him.

James' face was unnatural and uncaring.

Sirius was fidgeting, looking uncomfortable and agitated.

"Where's Peter?" He asked nervously.

"Bed. Now sit." James replied, his voice harsh.

Remus gingerly sat next to Sirius, waiting for James to speak.

He didn't have to wait long.

"Look, I get the whole you don't date girls because of your furry problem and all, what I don't get is why you don't even make comments about girls." James said, leaning forward.

Remus sighed and leant back. "I find it degrading."

James laughed. "You must the only teenage boy I've ever heard say that, don't you have hormones or something?"

Remus shrugged, "Yeah well. It's the way I am."

"Okay, but just to clear it up, you aren't gay are you?"

Remus looked at him, startled, "No. If this is going back to that rumour…" He warned threateningly.

James shook his head quickly, "No, it's not."

"Would it bother you if I was gay?" Remus asked suddenly, thinking of Sirius.

James frowned at him. "You are then!"

Remus sighed and shook his head. "No, I'm not. I was merely interested in your opinion."

James licked his lip and fell into silence. "We accepted you for being a werewolf, which, no offence mate, is a lot worse than being gay so yeah, no problem. I would just like to be informed if you become gay."

Remus smiled, happy with the answer and he felt Sirius relax to.

"So there's no relationship between you two?" Remus and Sirius shook their heads and James carried on speaking, addressing Remus. "You trust us don't you?"

Remus paused, catching the glint in James' eyes. "... Yes. Why?"

"So you'd tell us if you were with someone?"

Remus gulped, his heart sped up, his mouth went dry. "Yes. Yes I would." He croaked in a very small voice.

James smiled genuinely, "Good, now I'm off to bed."

Remus watched him walk away, apprehension growing.

-X-x-X-x-X-

Remus tossed and turned all that night, sleep refusing to happen.

When he finally sat up bolt right, he gave up and wandered over to the window, the darkness surrounding him.

He sat down on the edge of Sirius' bed and gazed out into the dark night, the trees waved eerily in the wind, the whomping willow stood tall and strong against the stars.

He suppressed a shudder and tore his gaze away ad over to the lake, the surface calm and untroubled but the waters in turmoil underneath. Just like him.

He sighed.

He hated lying so much.

He hated doing his to James.

He hated it.

But he wanted her.

He shut his eyes and leant his forehead against the cool glass.

He felt a hand upon his shoulder and jumped a mile, almost screaming.

He quickly span round, only to find Sirius watching him with concern.

Sirius wrapped his arms around the werewolf's waist and pulled him close, Remus tensed before finally relaxing back against Sirius.

"Can't sleep?" Sirius murmured gently.

Remus nodded sadly, "Something like that."

"Sleep with me?" Sirius asked, his voice low.

Remus started and pulled away, "What?!"

Sirius rolled his eyes and lay down, patting the space next to him. "Sleep _in _my bed. Not _with _me!"

Remus smiled tightly and got in next to him, curling up into a tight ball.

"Relax Moony! I'm not going to eat you." Sirius said casually.

Remus gulped, James' words floating round his mind.

But he uncurled himself all the same and stretched out against Sirius, enjoying the extra warmth.

Soon their breathing evened out as dreams finally embraced them.

And James saw it all.

* * *

So yeah... Chapter Two.

Now, I've got some ideas of where to take this story and I really can't decide ... so I'll let the readers be the judge!

Option 1) Remus and Sirius start going out as a cover.

Option 2) Remus and Sirius have an affair

Opton 3) James gets gradully more obbsessed until he finds out, he then hsouts a lot and Sirius and Remus get together.

Option 4) Remus and Sirius share a secret kiss and avoid eachother

Promised RemusXSirius at some point.

Review xD


	3. Broken Dreams III

Chapter 3

The next day, James stayed quiet, watching his friends interact and wondering just how little he knew them.

When lunch came, he watched Sirius pass Remus the butter, their fingertips brushed slightly and both boys blushed.

They quickly looked away and James put his fork down to say something but before he got the chance, Sirius started whispering eagerly in Remus' ear.

Remus giggled reluctantly, throwing a nervous glance towards Lily.

Puzzled, James turned to her and frowned as he noticed the slight anger on her features.

She was cutting up her steak with a forced calm and her voice, normally creamy and smooth was broken and punctuated.

He turned back to Remus and Sirius who had started feeding each other.

Peter took one look at them and turned to James, "I don't think it's Lily Remus is screwing around with."

James bit his lip to stop himself from laughing at the absurdity of it, "That's what I thought, but I mean, they swore, they swore they weren't."

Peter rose his eyebrows sceptically as Sirius gently caressed Remus' cheek.

"I think somebody told you a lie."

-X-x-X-x-X-

In Double History of Magic that afternoon Remus was bored.

He looked around disinterestedly, his eyes passed over James who was doodling on the desk, sat next to him was Peter who was asleep, drool forming at the corner of his mouth, after Peter there was Sirius. Remus let his eyes linger on the animagus for that moment too long, taking in the soft black hair, the strong jaw line, the silver eyes that were staring back -

Remus quickly looked away, blushing furiously. Being caught out staring at ones best friend was simply not done.

He frowned at the mixture of different feelings within him and he turned his head to he other side of the room, practically feeling Sirius' eyes roaming up and down him.

Then Remus' gaze fell on Lily.

She was sat two chairs in front, her long red waves falling down her back.

Perfect.

He looked down at his parchment and began writing, grinning as he did so.

He then pointed his wand at Lily. She jumped as though stung and turned round, scowling but her expression cleared when she saw who it was.

He threw the parchment to her, she caught it easily and unfolded it.

Keeping her back to the front the started to read, her blush increasing as she got further down the parchment.

Remus sat smirking at her.

Lily glanced up at him, eyebrows rose, she winked before she quickly scribbled something down and tossed it back to Remus who caught it in one motion.

He reopened it and looked up at her incredulously.

He looked back down at the parchment and then nodded, his expression difficult to read.

He grabbed his pen and was about to write back when James suddenly pointed his wand at the piece of paper and caught it deftly in his hand.

Remus' and Lily's eyes both snapped towards James who was grinning triumphantly.

He was just about to read it when Remus quickly wiped it, relief spreading through him.

Lily visibly relaxed and turned back towards the front.

Confused, James shrugged disinterestedly and tossed the paper over to Sirius.

He sat and sulked for the rest of the lesson.

-X-x-X-x-X-

Just after dinner, Remus stretched and got to his feet.

He picked up his bag and swung it over his shoulder, "I'm off to the library. Got Flitwick's essay to do."

"Great!" James said, standing up too. "I'm going to need some help with that. Mind if I tag along?" He asked innocently.

Remus bit his lip. "I'm going to the _library _James."

"So? I don't mind, I need help with it and you always refuse to help me if I leave it too late." James replied, looking for his bag.

"You won't like it. You'll just get bored." Remus continued.

"I promise I won't whinge!"

"But you don't like the library James! You and Sirius say you're allergic to it!" Remus said a little desperately.

James caught the pleading look and folded his arms. "Do you just not want me there or something?"

Remus laughed nervously. "No, I just can't deal with you whining at me."

James chuckled. "Riiight. Meeting some girl Moony?"

Remus paused. "In so many words."

James sat back down, "I won't bother then. We know her?"

Again his words were innocent but Remus could sense a deeper meaning. "Yeah you do."

Remus started walking out and called over his shoulder, "Tell Sirius where I am when he gets back."

-X-x-X-x-X-

When Remus and Lily walked back into the Common Room two hours later, James and Peter were sat in front of the fire playing exploding snap.

Remus tugged Lily's sleeve and indicated she should come over with him.

As they approached, James looked up.

"Moony, Evans." He indicated with a nod of the head.

Peter squeaked.

When the game finished, James finally turned his full attention on them.

"Good time with this girl then Moony?" He asked.

Remus looked blankly at him and then it finally clicked. "Oh, yeah. It was fantastic." He said with a smirk, not daring to look at Lily.

James nodded thoughtfully. "You see Sirius? He's not back yet and I thought he would be."

Remus shook his head, almost a little too quickly.

"Oh well." He dismissed it and looked at Lily. "And what's brought you over here Miss Evans?"

"Oh - er - I met Remus on the way back up. My friends are in bed." She replied hesitantly just as the portrait door was flung open.

"Hey!" Sirius called out and flopped down next to Remus. "Good time?"

Remus just nodded.

Silence fell and Sirius started humming jauntily.

"What's put you in such a good mood?" James asked as he climbed into a armchair.

"Oh nothing at all Jamsie, nothing at all."

Silence fell again.

"We going to find out who this girl is then? You do keep disappearing a lot now that I think back -" James fell silent and he frowned as though working something out. "Come to think of it, you do an all Sirius." He added slowly.

Remus gulped and he felt Sirius tense up besides him.

"No… this girl and I, we'd prefer to keep it secret." Remus replied quickly.

Sirius seemed to have froze, his hand was clutching Remus' knee for support and his eyes were startled.

James' eyes flicked between the three on the couch, to Lily who was glaring at Sirius, to Remus who was staring at the hand on his knee and to Sirius who was now biting his lip.

"You two aren't together are you?" James asked for the umpteenth time, pointing to him and Lily.

"What? N -"

But Sirius it seemed had other ideas. "Why would he be with her?" He snorted loudly. "That's just ludicrous."

"Why?" Two different voices asked.

Sirius looked from James to Lily, "He's not even straight." He paused dramatically and let out a huge sigh. "…I _suppose_ I can tell you." He sighed dramatically again. "He - I - we're together." Sirius said suddenly, seizing Remus' hand.

Now it was Remus' turn to freeze.

He could feel Lily's eyes boring into him, sense James' well disguised shock.

"What?" James asked meekly, saying what everyone was thinking.

"Well, Rem and I, we're together, as in going out." Sirius seemed a lot more confident now that Remus hadn't voiced any objections.

Remus opened his mouth to disagree but Lily cut him off, "It's true James. Remus told me about them."

Remus' head snapped round to face her.

His mouth fell open.

"P - pardon?" His voice was hoarse and quiet.

She gave him a warning glance before turning to James and explaining more with Sirius adding bits here and there.

It was all just a messed up buzz to Remus' ears.

He sat in a throbbing silence until he heard James ask "Have you two - you know - yet?" and Sirius reply with a confident "Yes."

Something inside him clicked.

"I'm sorry but this is ridiculous." Remus said suddenly, sitting back on the sofa. "Sirius and I _do not _go out, we have _never _done anything at all and this is all a load of absolute _bullshit." _

Now everyone was watching him.

Sirius laughed uneasily, "He lives in denial." He said in a stage whisper.

Remus rolled his eyes. "I am _not _in denial. I am in the common room and currently wondering what the _hell _is going on!"

He stood up and turned towards them.

"I'm not even gay! I _have _a girlfriend, even though it's a secret I do _have _a girlfriend. And secondly, why would I go out with Padfoot? He's my best friend for crying out loud!"

If Remus saw the disappointment on Sirius' face he said nothing, instead he turned and walked towards the stairs.

"I'm off to bed; my head's hurting."

James watched him go and then eagerly leant forward, "He is soooo in denial!"

-X-x-X-x-X-

Sirius was tactful enough to give Remus chance to fall asleep before he went up to bed.

In other words; he knew Remus would want a word with him.

What he hadn't banked on was Remus visiting him in the middle of the night.

When all was silent, Remus crept across the dorm room and disappeared onto Sirius' bed.

Sirius felt a sudden pressure on his chest and woke with a start, he tried to sit up but found he could not.

He opened his mouth to scream but a hand was clamped gently over his mouth.

Panic gripped him and he started thrashing around wildly, trying to throw his attacker off.

"Sirius!" A voice called. "Sirius stop it! It's me you prat!"

Relaxing as he recognised Remus' voice, he moodily replied, "What was that for?" Embarrassed and ashamed at himself for over-reacting.

"You Sirius Back, really need to learn the difference between good idea and very very _very _bad idea!" Remus hissed through his teeth, ignoring Sirius' question and pinning Sirius' hands to the pillow so that the animagus could not struggle.

"Why?" Sirius pouted.

"What the hell was all that about!? Earlier on?" Remus cried, forgetting that two other boys lay sleeping.

Sirius scowled. "I _was _saving your skin." His voice dropped, "And it's the easiest way for me to come out to them."

Sirius began to realise exactly how they were sat and felt himself blush, he shut his eyes to calm himself down and nervously licked his lips.

Remus' eyes shot downwards as he caught the flicker of movement. His gaze lingered over the now moist lips and his heart beat quickened slightly.

"You were saving my skin by saying I'm with you?" Remus finally asked, his voice calm and small.

"It would've got James off your back." Sirius shrugged the best he could, fidgeting under Remus.

Remus snorted, his eyes drifting down to Sirius' exposed chest, "How do you know James would've accepted us anyway?" He dragged his eyes away from the taught skin and met Sirius' intense silver eyes. "And what about Lily? What if she hadn't caught on and ended up spilling everything?"

Sirius stayed silent for a moment, squirming as Remus' eyes freely roamed his body, unashamed and uninhabited.

He cleared his throat, "Well… you're Remus - "

"_Excellent _observation." Remus muttered dryly.

"Shut up. You're Remus and you would _never _date any thick girls so I thought she'd be smart enough to catch on… but clearly; _you _weren't." Sirius said with somewhat of a smirk playing across his lips.

Remus rose an eyebrow, "Is Messer. Padfoot implying that _I'm _thick?" He sat back and let go off Sirius' wrists, his breath hitching as Sirius' shirt fell open even more. "And why on earth are you only half dressed?"

Sirius shifted sheepishly. (A/N Try saying _that _five times faster) "I started to get dressed for bed but then I was tired so I just - fell asleep." He mumbled, his skin on fire as Remus' eyes trailed his naked chest.

"Oh." Remus said simply, all his anger at Sirius had drained away and now a curious excitement filled him.

Sirius nervously licked his lips again and Remus caught the movement.

A sudden image of himself kissing Sirius entered unbidden into his mind and his eyes widened in shock.

He shot back slightly, his chest tightening. He gazed down at Sirius who was watching him with a puzzled concern.

He smiled tightly and gulped as Sirius rose his eyebrows.

They stared at each other for a long time, unsure what was happening and how to react.

Sirius was the first to look away. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath, trying to quell the mounting pressure inside his chest.

He reopened his eyes only to find that Remus was tracing his body with hungry eyes, his fingers itching, willing to follow the path.

Sirius bit his lip and took a deep shuddering breath.

Then their eyes met again. Remus blushed but held his furious gaze, slackening his tie for some unknown reason.

A slither of pale skin came into view and Sirius had to ball his hands into fists.

Remus caught a glimpse of Sirius' expression and cocked his head to one side, contemplating the writhing Sirius underneath him.

As he began to realise his position of power, a smirk emerged on his face.

He pinned Sirius' hands again and slowly leant forward. "Why? Why not allow me to face the music alone?" He whispered softly, their faces only a centimetre a part.

Sirius' mouth went dry and all he could do was grunt.

"Don't you think I know the consequences of my actions?" Remus continued speaking, his lips just barely brushing Sirius' ear.

Again Sirius grunted.

"I'm well aware what will happen if James finds out." Remus spoke slowly, his breath hot and ticklish. .

He moved his head to the other side, their lips missing by inches.

"But sometimes…" He whispered tantalizingly, "Sometimes urges take control…"

Sirius snapped. He growled and flipped them over in one fluid moment and his shirt fell off completely.

Remus stayed still, looking up at Sirius with bright amber eyes.

Sirius started shaking slightly, unsure what to do next.

He trailed his hand uncertainly up Remus' side and brought it to rest on Remus' cheek.

Remus turned his face into the hand and softly kissed the palm.

Sirius felt as though his skin was on fire.

Remus shut his eyes and tried to regain control.

But all control had been lost.

He felt lips brush hesitantly against his neck and his eyes flew open.

The lips followed a delicate path up to his jaw where they stopped and their eyes met again.

Silver looking into Amber.

Amber looking into Silver.

Remus wrapped his arms around the boy above him and pressed him closer.

Sirius licked his lips and bent his head, shivering in anticipation.

Their lips about to meet when they both heard the door creak open.

They froze, glanced at each other, horrified.

Then Sirius quickly rolled off Remus and Remus very gingerly sat on the end of the bed, his heart beating madly.

He looked up and saw Lily looking back at him, a frown on her face and her mouth poised to question.

Remus felt his heart stop and he guiltily looked away.

_Just how much had she seen? _

_

* * *

_

Hehe...

They always get seen on a night.

Oh, btw number one won the vote BUT I already have a fic like that called The Perfect Prank which means they would turn out simliar. And that's just no fun!

Hands up if you paused to try saying 'Sirius Shifted Sheepishly'... Be honest now !

Oh, and yes I _know _the whole 'Remus fancies him' is pretty sudden but he doesn't really say that he does, it's just little subconcious things.

So then... Any good?

Review xD


	4. Broken Dreams IV

Chapter 4

Remus was a bundle of nerves.

His stomach was churning.

His palms were sweaty.

His head was hurting.

And all because Sirius Black was walking towards the breakfast table quite determinedly ignoring him.

Sirius sat down and Remus choked slightly on his tea, not daring to lift his eyes to Sirius for fear of blushing.

Lily was already suspicious enough though she knew nothing.

He heard the casual banter between Sirius and James but felt the eyes trained on him, searching him up and down, intense and unnerving.

He glanced up through his hair and saw that yes, Sirius was indeed staring at him through those gorgeous silver eyes…

He quickly looked back down at his toast but his appetite had gone.

He sat back and turned his face carefully away from Sirius and towards Lily.

He watched her softly, as she chatted animatedly to her friends.

But he felt as though something was missing.

He frowned to himself and looked back at Sirius after hearing his name spoken.

His heart throbbed painfully and he gulped, a longing to run his fingers through that long, black silky hair rose steadily inside him and he quickly looked away.

But not quite quick enough.

Sirius blinked at him slowly, processing the look in Remus' eyes.

"- oi! Sirius! Anybody there!" James waved a hand in front of his face.

"Wah?"

"I _said _do you think Lily would appreciate a poem?"

Sirius looked at him blankly for a few seconds. "No," He said bluntly. "She has that boyfriend remember? So I think you should just lay off for a bit."

James snorted loudly. "Since when do you care if they're taken or not?"

Sirius bristled, "Since I grew up and stopped toying around with peoples feelings." He said sternly with a slight blush.

Remus, who was listening closely, was more than just a little surprised and his mind was flung back to the night before. _So he didn't mess with feelings anymore…_

James rose an eyebrow, "Is our young Sirius finally growing up?"

Sirius rose an eyebrow too. "Pardon?"

"Are you in _lurve _Messer Padfoot?" James teased lightly as Sirius coloured and shook his head. "Well I disagree. Moony! Back me up here!"

Remus smiled gently, "If Sirius _is _in love, it's his decision if and when he chooses to tell us or indeed - show us." He coughed to hide his embarrassment and delicately avoided Sirius' eyes.

"Thank-you Moon pie!" Sirius cried happily, throwing a dramatic arm around Remus' shoulders.

Both of them winced and instantly flushed, leaping apart.

James smirked at them and proceeded into a violent coughing fit which sounded suspiciously like, "So together!"

For the rest of the day, Remus tried his hardest to avoid Sirius, not quite realising just how much the animagus featured in his life.

And for his part, Sirius chose to speak to Remus as little as possible and tried his best to keep out of Remus' way.

What neither realised was that their reasons for avoiding the other were fairly similar.

Sirius was plain terrified that Remus now knew how he felt.

And Remus, well, Remus was plain terrified because he didn't know _how _he felt.

James was quick to pick up on the fact that they were avoiding each other and spent as much time as possible talking about Remus when with Sirius and vice versa.

He took great joy in the fact that they'd had some sort of 'lovers tiff'.

Sirius didn't take the care to correct him.

-X-x-X-x-X-

After a week of intense, cold ignoring and blatant embarrassment, James had finally had enough.

His enjoyment short lived by the fact that Peter on his own was plain boring and a Remus without Sirius or a Sirius without Remus were just dull and down.

Everyday at seven pm, Remus forced all the Marauders to read for at least half-an hour on the agreement that he would contribute at least one prank a week.

It was during this time that James got an amazing idea.

Being the teenage boy he was, the idea of talking through a problem was a foreign concept to him and so he decided that the only way for the two of them to kiss and make up was to do just that.

Kiss and make up.

Lot's of Firewhiskey and a game of dares. The perfect solution to any problem in his eyes.

-X-x-X-x-X-

Friday finally came round and Sirius was all too happy to sit and drown his sorrows in a bottle of the finest Firewhiskey.

Remus however, was a whole different kettle of fish.

He took one look at the bottle clasped in James' hands and attempted to run away, only to run smack bang into Sirius and knock the two of them to the floor.

Sirius screamed girlishly and bravely attempted to save his drink.

When he saw the perfect, untouched bottle still in his hands he smiled happily and then realised that Remus was laid on him groaning.

James laughed ad prodded them with his toe. "Now now guys, save that until your _alone _please."

Sirius growled and Remus leapt to his feet, scowling deeply.

James saw his expression and laughed again, "Oh lighten up Moony. Drink this, we do _read _everyday for you!"

Remus rolled his eyes but took the bottle gingerly. He looked at it apprehensively, half expecting it to explode or turn an unappetising green. (Yes, these things had indeed ALL happened to him in the past.)

"Just drink it! It's good stuff and getting wasted is pretty good too." James clapped him on the back.

Remus smirked, "Any particular reason you _want _me drunk?"

James jumped slightly and pinked. "No! God no! That, Mr Moony, is the lovely Sirius Black's job _not _mine." He shuddered slightly but another grin found it's way on to his face. "Drink up!"

Remus stared at him for a few seconds before lifting the bottle to his lips and downing it.

James and Sirius watched him incredulously. "Bloody hell Moony! You're meant to taste it first."

Remus smacked his lips. "Well, now that's out the way, can we just play dares and get it over with?"

"W- what? H- how did you know that?" James asked, his eyes widening in shock.

Remus chuckled. "I'm a very perceptive werewolf that has lived with you for what? Six years now? I _know _that when you think a Marauder has a got problem you break open the Firewhiskey and suggest a game of dares."

James sighed and sat down. "Damn Moony, too damn perceptive for his own good." He muttered more to himself as Wormtail scurried into the room.

Sirius laughed lightly and Remus looked at him.

As in properly looked at him for the first time in just under a week.

Their eyes met and they smiled warmly at each other, before realising that they were supposed to be ignoring each other and hurriedly looking away.

James looked at the two and sipped his Firewhiskey thoughtfully, "You two actually make a nice couple now I come to think about it."

Sirius choked on his drink and a flushed Remus patted him half heartedly on the back.

"One problem with that theory James, we're-not-a-couple." Remus sighed. "Can you by any chance remember that girl I met a while back? I'm still seeing her."

Sirius, finally recovering from choking to death, looked at James with watery eyes, "Do you really have nothing else to think about?"

James tutted and drank more whiskey as Remus helped himself to another bottle.

James' dare games always turned out to be eventful and Remus, from past experience, knew he'd end up kissing Sirius as James thought they had fallen out 'boyfriends'. Just like the time Sirius had fallen out with his _girl_friend.

And quite frankly, he wanted to be sober when it happened.

As much as the thought of kissing Sirius scared him, it also excited him and he was fairly eager to play the game, something which only Peter seemed to notice.

They were sat playing simple truths for a little while when Lily joined them.

She smiled warmly at Remus and he suddenly felt very guilty.

Sirius caught his eye and he gulped noisily as James turned to him. "Right then Remus," He said, rubbing his hands together. "Who's this girl you went to meet in the library?"

He paled visibly and desperately whished he could say it had been Sirius.

He glanced at Lily and then at Sirius and shut his eyes briefly, contemplating the consequences of his decision.

Keeping his eyes shut he very softly said, "It wasn't a girl. It was Sirius."

If shocked, Sirius didn't show it but kept his expression indifferent.

James smirked triumphantly, "Ha! I new it!"

Lily smiled tightly and Peter squeaked happily. If his idol James could accept it then so could he.

Once James had finished dancing round the Common Room he turned to Remus again and said, "So why have you two being avoiding each other all week then?"

Lily frowned slightly at Remus, her long red hair seemed darker and more lustrous in the firelight.

"Since when?" Sirius asked suddenly, a realization sinking in.

"About a week, Friday maybe?" James answered, nibbling his bottom lip thoughtfully.

Confused, Remus looked at Sirius questioningly, wondering why he had asked, but when Sirius ignored him intently he turned to face Lily and taking one look at her face, he understood.

Lily could do maths.

He could feel her bright green eyes turning into an icy stare.

She folded her arms and coldly asked, "Yes Remus, I'd quite like to know what happened as well."

Oh shit.

His heart sped up and his mouth went dry. Where was a convenient lie when you needed one?

He glanced uneasily at Sirius who was quite happily sat looking at his fingernails, apparently unbothered that Remus might spill everything.

Remus would bet his bottom dollar that Sirius wanted him to tell everyone. The smug look in the eyes gave it away.

His own eyes hardened and he met Lily's gaze with a hard golden stare. _Well if Sirius wasn't going to help him…_

"Sirius just went a little far with a joke of his. He has a habit of doing that." Remus added snippily.

Sirius shook his head angrily, "Now that was just uncalled for! It wasn't just me last Friday Remus, hell, most of it was _you!" _He pointed viciously at Remus, forgetting that James and Lily were sat watching.

Remus laughed bitterly, "Sirius has a habit of doing this, taking a joke too far and then refusing to admit to it."

James let out a low whistle.

Sirius snorted. "You started everything the other night Remus, you can't deny that!"

Remus rose his eyebrows sceptically. "Me? ME!? I didn't start anything thank-you very much!"

Sirius shook his head angrily, "Just admit it Remus! You did! You started whispering _things _-"

"Well you were the one that started ki-" He broke of suddenly, remembering where they were. He shot a nervous glance at Lily but found her expression thoughtful.

"Well you can't say you didn't enjoy it!" Sirius exclaimed angrily, pushing Remus away forcefully.

Remus didn't reply, but pressed his mouth shut tightly.

"Ha! Precisely!" Sirius cried in triumph and settled back against the sofa happily.

Remus let out a long sigh and sat down next to Sirius, "Anyway," he said. "Where were we?"

-X-x-X-x-X-

Once Lily had gone up to bed, James turned to Remus and Sirius.

"And now for the dare we've all been waiting for!" He declared grandly and Remus groaned. "I dare you two to… dun dun dun… Kiss!" (A/N Fairly obvious this would be happening… I mean come on… the characters aren't quite as thick as some people think)

Sirius sighed; he would prefer to kiss Remus on his own terms and preferably in a very small dark broom cupboard when they were on their _own. _

But he wasn't going to get a choice.

Remus sighed too; he wanted to kiss Sirius, but he had Lily to think about.

He shook his head mutely, "No James."

He felt Sirius' disappointment.

"And why not?" James inquired.

"Because - well … because." Remus stated lamely.

"Sirius? Do you have any objections to snogging the very life out of the fine young Remus here?" James asked lightly.

No. Infact, I'd like to do a whole lot more than merely snogging _the life out of him. _"Not particularly. He'll need a good teacher." Sirius smirked. 

Remus rose his eyebrows. "Me need teaching? I don't think so my fine young friend!"

Sirius smiled slightly. "Prove it." He whispered in Remus' ear and watched with satisfaction as Remus turned beetroot.

Remus gulped uneasily but teasingly replied. "Gladly."

He slipped his hand onto the back of Sirius' neck and quickly pressed his lips against Sirius' but pulled away almost instantly. A sudden, dangerous part of him awoken. "But not here, not in front of James. He's had enough mental scarring to last him a lifetime already."

Sirius' eyebrows shot into his hair, "My my Moony, I didn't think you were like _that._" Their earlier argument lay forgotten.

Remus smirked uneasily, "Oh believe me, you don't know half of what I can do -"

"Well when you two lovebirds have stopped whispering to each other please just kiss already." James said impatiently.

Remus cleared his throat uncomfortably, "I'm not very happy with kissing him in a public place."

James rolled his eyes. "If you two do it in private I want proof!"

Sirius stared at him. "That sounded _so _wrong!"

James didn't smile but glared at Sirius, "Just kiss him already!"

Now it was Remus' turn for a little fun, "Sirius? Don't you think that James is a little _too_ desperate to see guy-on-guy action? Do you think there is something he's not telling us?"

Sirius smirked, "You read my mind Moony, in fact, I could swear that I saw him checking me out the other day."

James had flushed from head to toe by now and haughtily stood up. "I assure you, Lily is the only _girl _for me!"

Remus felt a small pang of guilt but smiled and turned to Sirius, "You reckon we should tell James about that one time that we couldn't quite make one of _our _beds -"

"Stop it! Stop it! Say _no _more! I am leaving!" He said firmly and got to his feet. "Please keep the sordid details to _yourselves _in the future." He started walking away with Peter scurrying behind him.

"Hope he knows we're joking." Remus said once he'd stopped laughing.

Sirius nodded in mutual agreement.

"I'm off to bed. Coming?" Sirius took the proffered hand and was pulled to his feet.

"Look, about the last week -" Sirius started uneasily but Remus held up his hand to stop him.

"Don't. J - just leave it, yeah?" He walked towards the boys dorm and Sirius sighed angrily.

What he wouldn't give to tell him.

-X-x-X-x-X-

Sirius woke as abruptly as though someone was screaming in his ear.

He sat up groggily and wondered what had woke him from his broken dreams.

He heard a squeak and then a low growl and turned towards the source.

As his eyes adjusted to the moonlight he realised that Remus was thrashing around wildly, muttering and barking in his sleep.

His face was contorted in a look of pure horror and his entire body was writhing around on top of the covers.

Sirius took a deep breath and quickly crossed the room, forgetting what had happened the last time he had woke Remus from a nightmare.

"Rem…?" He said softly and touched the boys shoulders, not at all surprised when his fingers slipped from the sweat. "Come on Rem, it's only a bad dream."

He shook the boy slightly and Remus' eyes snapped open.

They glowed a harsh gold and Sirius saw the wolf behind them.

Remus grabbed his wrist and yanked him down onto the bed, growling threateningly.

"Rem?" Sirius asked uncertainly.

Remus looked at him blankly and finally came to his senses.

"Sirius." he muttered softly, tears stinging his cheeks.

"Hey…hey! What's wrong?" Sirius asked soothingly as he gathered Remus up in his arms.

Remus buried his face in Sirius' chest. "Bad dream." He muttered detachedly.

"I thought it might me. Wanna go to the kitchens?" Sirius asked as he rubbed soothing circles on Remus' back. It was common knowledge for the Marauder's that Remus could never sleep for hours after a nightmare and always appreciated a trip to the kitchens for a hot chocolate.

Remus nodded his consent and allowed himself to be carried to the door.

Once on the landing, Sirius turned to go back in for the Invisibility Cloak but Remus reached out a hand to stop him, "No. James went out a while back… he took the map and the cloak."

Sirius frowned slightly, "Why -" He paused. "Y - you don't think him and _Lily_?"

Remus let out a small laugh. "No… Lily wouldn't… she's not the type to cheat."

"Neither were you." It slipped out before he could stop it but he instantly regretted it as an ashamed blush appeared on Remus' cheeks.

"Anyway… How are we meant to get to the kitchens?" Sirius hastily said. It was common knowledge that getting caught out of bed at four in the morning was like suicide. Hogsmede ban, quidditch ban, minus two hundred points and a month of detentions. Even if the teachers were in bed; the portraits certainly weren't.

Remus bit his lip and looked Sirius in the eye. "Do you trust me?" He all but whispered.

"With my life Rem." Was Sirius' instant reply.

"Stay close." Remus said as they crept out the portrait hall and were plunged into a thick darkness.

"Rem? Rem where are you!?" Sirius whispered in a panic.

He felt fingers link with his own, "I'm right here Sirius, now be quite." Remus whispered in his ear.

Nodding in the darkness, Sirius felt very vulnerable to attacks but like he'd said; he trusted Remus fully.

After what felt like very long, cold hours, they finally arrived in the kitchen.

Blinking rapidly as his eyes adjusted to the light, he was loathe to drop Remus' hand and instead held onto him even tighter.

Sirius opened his mouth to question but Remus gave a wry smile, "It's full moon soon and my senses are exceptionally good; better than normal actually."

Surprised, Sirius could do nothing but smile. Remus didn't like to discuss anything to do with the wolf, least of all anything it gave him.

As Remus pulled Sirius over to the fire, he elaborated more, "I actually can't remember what normal senses are like so I don't know how much my senses have changed, but I do realise that most people can't see in the dark or hear and smell people approaching, that they can't sense emotions." He smiled sadly. "I hate the wolf for what he forces me to go through but it's got me out of some very messy situations in the past."

Sirius smiled softly and took Remus' other hand in his own, gently stroking the back of Remus' hands with his thumb. "You never normally talk about the wolf Rem."

Remus just pulled his hands out of Sirius' and took a sip of the hot chocolate that an elf had put down near him. He gazed into the fire thoughtfully, "No… I know I've never told you about my senses but I don't know…" he smiled apologetically. "I thought you might use me, like get me to do look out and only be friends with me for it."

Sirius laughed, his bark like laugh that sent shivers down Remus' spine.

"We never would." They sat in silence for a while, Remus munching on chocolate and Sirius lost in a daydream of kissing that adorable little werewolf.

"You've got chocolate on you- on your cheek." Sirius said suddenly.

Remus smiled and tried to lick it off.

"No… here." Sirius moved closer to Remus and wiped it off gently with his thumb.

Remus' eyes met his and a jolt of electricity sped through him.

Sirius leant in closer, "Remember that promise?" He whispered huskily.

Remus rose an eyebrow.

"You said you'd show me what you can do…" He started playing with Remus' hair.

Remus growled slightly, shifting so his body was angled towards Sirius. "I can't, - Lily." He whispered slightly, the scent of Sirius intoxicating him.

"But you want to." Sirius replied, placing a hand on Remus chin and tilting his head up to look him in the eyes. "You want to." He repeated.

Remus bit his lip and snapped his eyes away. "Of course I want to." He said very softly. "But you're Sirius and I'm Remus."

"And?" Sirius licked his lips nervously and tried to calm his fluttering his heart.

"Lily." Remus tried again.

"She's not here now." Sirius said calmly, looking around the kitchen.

Remus glanced uncertainly around him too, "James has got the map and the cloak; they could be anyway."

"Yeah… but your senses… you'd be able to tell." Sirius moved a hand to Remus' leg.

Remus nodded distractedly, glancing down at the hand that was caressing his thigh gently. He look back at Sirius and gulped; _he wanted to, but dare he?_

"Do it… just do it." Sirius whispered tantalizingly, his breath hot against Remus.

Remus let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding in, he tried to regain his self control, but Sirius was so close… almost close enough to taste…

He growled and crashed his lips against Sirius'.

Hands started roaming and Sirius moaned; he'd dreamt about this moment.

Remus pinned Sirius to the floor but pulled back suddenly, breathing hard, his eyes shut.

"We can't… we shouldn't."

"Don't want to scar the house elves?" Sirius joked, his breath gone, his chest tight.

Remus rolled his eyes and got to his feet unsteadily. "Come on, back up to bed." He held out a hand and Sirius reluctantly took it.

They left the warmth of the kitchen and began the long trek through the dark corridors.

He was suddenly slammed up against a wall and he yelped in surprise, though the noise was muffled as Remus kissed him intently, keeping him pressed hard up against the wall… hands roaming his body… undoing his shirt… playing with his hair… lips pressed against his neck… his chest… and then they were off again, stumbling through dark corridors.

Groaning in disappointment at the loss of contact he tried to stay on his feet only to nearly stumble on the edge of a rug.

But a hand wrapped round his waist and prevented him from falling.

He pressed further against Remus for reassurance and eventually they reached the safety of the Common Room.

Remus let go of him and glanced briefly at the open shirt.

Sirius smiled softly and took him in his arms, kissing him gently.

But Remus pulled away, "No, Sirius. I can't - we can't. So just - just don't."

Sirius sighed angrily but let himself be led upstairs all the same, Remus took one look at his own bed and started clinging onto Sirius, the nightmare already returning.

Sirius slipped into his own bed and was not at all surprised when Remus climbed in next to him whispering "Nightmare." He felt Reus curl up against him and smiled to himself.

Now everything was out in the open…

* * *

THEY KISSED! THE PUPPIES KISSED!

Ahem... anyway... There should be exactly three more chapters...

Hope you like!

ReviewxD


	5. Broken Dreams V

Chapter 5

Remus woke to the sound of deep breathing and blinked in the bright light.

He shifted slightly, feeling the weight of the looming full moon settle in his stomach. He glanced at the black hair splayed across the pillow, the soft lips parted in a soft smile, the creamy skin perfect, the arms curled protectively round him.

Remus sighed, his heart fluttering and his mind flicking to the night before.

Sirius stirred slightly and opened his eyes, a grin forming when he saw Remus.

"Morning."

Remus smiled in reply and went back to worrying about the Full Moon.

Sirius' scent wove around him and something clicked in his brain. "Don't be there tonight Sirius." He couldn't control the wolf and the wolf wanted Sirius.

A look of hurt flashed through Sirius' eyes before he quickly turned away, "Why?"

"I -" Remus hesitated, _The truth or not? _"I think it's going to be bad." He sighed and placed his arms round Sirius' middle.

Sirius pulled away and got out of bed, he stalked over to the bathroom and flung the door back angrily.

Remus bit his lip and turned away.

He needed to find Lily…

-X-x-X-x-X-

He finally managed to find her in the library, stood on tiptoe trying to reach a book.

He growled to himself and crept up behind her.

He grabbed her waist and swung her round to face him, slamming her against the shelf he kissed her ferociously.

He let his hands wander and felt her hands claw at his back, pressing him closer still.

Breathing heavily, he pulled away and leant his forehead against hers.

He felt a sudden panic flare inside him, the feelings he once felt had gone.

"Well…" Lily asked, her face flushed. "What was that for?"

Remus smirked, "I've missed you…"

Lily rolled her eyes and looked at him seriously, "Full moon tonight?"

He turned away and sat down at a table, "Yeah."

She sat down on the table in front of him, hitching up her skirt slightly and putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"You'll be fine." She said soothingly, "And if you need anything just let me know."

He gazed at her, a small smile creeping onto his face, "Keep Sirius busy tonight." He don't why he said it but he knew Sirius would kill him if he found out.

"Why?" She asked suspiciously just as Remus remembered that she didn't know about them being animaguses. (A/N or should it be animagi?)

He flushed slightly and quickly said, "He tends to get anxious when it's a full moon; he worries about me a lot you see." He smiled innocently.

She regarded him warily for a few moments before slowly nodding her consent.

Remus grinned and pulled Lily down onto his lap, pressing his mouth firmly against hers.

He felt her smile and melt against him and he revelled in the feeling of control as he slowly pushed her down onto the table.

Sirius started walking away as quickly as he could, a hot anger burning slowly in his stomach and bitter tears stinging his eyes.

-X-x-X-x-X-

Remus returned back to the dorm an hour later looking thoroughly dishevelled.

James grinned lazily at him whilst Sirius greeted him with a cold hello.

"Just playing Truths Rem… Wanna play?" James called over as Remus started smoothing out his hair in Sirius' bedside mirror.

"Sure." He called back as Sirius scowled at James for using his nickname for Remus.

Remus joined them and Sirius looked at him, an icy glare entering his eyes.

"You need a question." Sirius pretended to think, "Ever cheated on somebody before?" Only Remus caught the mocking in his eyes.

Remus swallowed with difficult, "Yeah."

James stared at him, eyebrows rose. "When?"

Remus took a deep breath, "One summer." He shrugged and then continued. "It was stupid really. I was going out with this most amazing girl and then this other girl threw herself at me; literally. I went with her for some stupid reason and it wasn't until afterwards that I realised she was a complete _prick."_

Sirius snorted.

James looked at him and back at Remus, "I didn't think you were like _that!"_

Remus just shrugged mysteriously.

"Anyway, how about a truth for Sirius?" Remus asked coolly and without waiting for a reply asked, "So Sirius… Ever kissed someone even though you _knew _they were _taken?"_

Sirius glared back at him. "Yes." His eyes grew icier. "Yes I have and I _don't _regret it." He growled menacingly.

Remus broke their eye contact as James nervously cleared his throat.

"Anyway…"

"What would you do to Lily's secret boyfriend again?" Sirius shot at James, once again staring challengingly at Remus.

"Why?"

"Sirius wants to try his chances with her; he likes messing around with people." Remus replied instantly, his voice level.

"No James, Remus here has being sh -"

Remus dived on him, clamping a hand over his mouth and hissing, "You bastard Sirius!"

"Remus has being doing what?" James asked uncertainly.

"Not what, _who." _Sirius shouted, his voice muffled by Remus' hand.

Remus pressed himself closer to Sirius, teasing the animagus, a dangerous glint in his eyes. "There's something you need to know about Sirius James, he's g-"

Sirius' eyes widened and he quickly rolled them over, pinning Remus down with a growl.

James was sat watching them, open mouthed. "Guys… what's going on?"

"He's being a twat." They said in unison, glaring daggers at each other.

"Remus discovered that he loved to lead people on and then stab them in the back." Sirius folded his arms resolutely.

"And Sirius finally fell for somebody he can't have." Remus shot back, his eyes narrowed. "And he's also learnt just how big of a slut he is."

Sirius shook his head angrily. "I'm not the slut, I'm not the person that's playing with real feelings."

"No, but you have in the past. He's also learnt how it feels to be cheated on."

"And Remus here, is finally losing control and pushing people up against walls and _onto tables." _Sirius snarled and Remus took a breath. _So he'd seen…_

"Woah! Okay, I don't need to know what you two do in your time. Now can we get back to the game please?" James finally intervened, sounding a little desperate.

Sirius scrambled to his feet and stomped over to the door and yanked it open. "You two play, I'm not in the mood anymore."

-X-x-X-x-X-

After dinner James retired to sit in front of the fire and engaged in a ferocious game of chess with Peter.

Remus sat by and watched them, wondering where Sirius was.

It was then he saw the animagus slip through the portrait hole and storm angrily upstairs.

Remus frowned and followed him up, blatantly ignoring James.

He slammed the door behind him as he stepped into the dorm.

"Sirius…?"

"Go away Remus, I don't want to talk to _you." _Sirius spat viciously and turned away from Remus.

"What am I meant to have done?" He snapped back, sitting down behind Sirius.

"I saw you with her." Sirius replied quietly, his voice dangerous. "In the library, earlier on."

Remus didn't say anything, letting his mind work out how was best to phrase it. "Sirius… what did you expect me to do?"

Sirius turned round to face him, his face impassive. "I didn't think you'd lead us both on!"

Remus rose his eyebrows.

"Do I just mean nothing to you!?" Sirius demanded and Remus drew back nervously. "Was I just a little toy to you!?"

"What was I meant to do!? Break up with her?" Remus all but shouted back, his voice stronger than he felt.

"Well…"

"Sirius it was a kiss! ONE STUPID KISS!" He said bitterly. "I didn't realise it had meant so much to you…"

"It didn't!" Sirius quickly interrupted. "It meant nothing to me, but you kiss me and then go with Lily who your best friend fancies anyway? Who _are _you?"

"I'm Remus." He replied flatly.

"No… No! The Remus I knew would never cheat, be a back stabber or betray his friends!" Sirius shook his head. "You're not Remus anymore."

"Well I've changed Sirius! I've changed! SO WHAT!? Why do you even care anyway? I'm just like you were, leading people on, playing around with feelings. Not so different you and I."

Sirius stood up and stalked across to the bathroom. "I would _never _cheat on James like that! And as much as Lily hates me, James _loves _her so I would _never _hurt her!"

"What about me Sirius? What about the fact you kissed me? What about the fact you've messed everything up?"

"As if things weren't messed up already." Then Sirius slammed the bathroom door.

Remus let out an angry breath. _Sirius didn't understand…_

"Are you just sore because I don't want you?" Remus called suddenly.

The bathroom door was flung back but Sirius leant calmly against it, his face once again masking hidden emotions. "No."

"So what then? You just pissed at me for no reason?"

Sirius scoffed, "Why did you kiss me last night?"

Remus gulped slightly, "Because I wanted to know something." _To feel your body against mine… To taste your skin once again… To feel my heart beating wildly with desire… To loose myself to lust…_

"Really? Did you enjoy kissing me or am I just some experiment?"

Remus held his breath and finally answered, "I enjoyed it Padfoot, I enjoyed it_ too _much."

"So why are you still with Lily?"

Remus looked down at his hands, "I can't bear to break her heart."

"But you can break mine?" He heard the words float across the room and the door slam shut once again.

-X-x-X-x-X-

Remus left that night without so much as a goodbye to anybody, leaving a disgruntled Sirius sulking in the bathroom and an annoyed James loosing chess to Peter.

He stormed out of the common room and stalked down to the Whomping Willow, anger in his stride.

-X-x-X-x-X-

As he started to drift into consciousness, he could feel gentle hand stroking him, a soft voice murmuring to him and eyes filled with worry centred upon him.

He forced his own eyes open, feeling as though they were glued together.

Amber eyes met silver eyes and Sirius smiled in relief.

"You're awake!" He cried happily and hugged Remus tightly before settling by his side protectively.

Remus groaned and sat up slightly, "Morning to you too Sirius."

The Hospital door swung open and Lily stepped inside, biting her lip and her face anxious.

"Oh Remus!" She cried when she saw he was awake.

Sirius all but growled as she approached, he grasped Remus' hand tightly in his own.

Lily blinked a few times at the linked hands but smiled quietly and handed Remus a card. He smiled and took it, kissed a blushing Lily in thanks and then placed it under his pillow so James could not find it.

"How are you feeling?" Lily asked.

Remus looked at her sceptically.

"Right.. Stupid question." Lily sat down, opposite to Sirius and studied the pair for a few minutes. "James said you two were fighting, made up yet?"

They both guiltily looked away, avoiding eye contact.

"What happened anyway?" Her green eyes were alert and curious but they held a certain glint and Remus knew James would have told her what was said.

"Nothing." Sirius said bluntly.

"Didn't seem like nothing."

"Well it was." Sirius kept his gaze somewhere around Remus' feet, his eyes set.

Lily sighed but dropped it anyway. "Anywhere you need rubbing?"

Remus stared at her. "… Pardon?"

She blushed and giggled, "Not like _that! _I mean, like as in painful. Anywhere."

He nodded shyly and indicated a thigh where a huge black bruise was starting to form.

She looked at him once, her gaze questioning before her hands started to soothe the pain.

Sirius could feel the jealousy building inside him. His lip curled and he quickly stood up, kicking his chair aside.

He pushed Lily out the way and started massaging Remus' leg himself. Lily rose an eyebrow and folded her arms but said nothing.

She proceeded to sit back down and examined them closely yet again.

From the way Sirius' fingers were going that bit too high to the way Remus kept his eyes closed and his face impassive but for the hand gripping the sheets beneath him firmly.

When Sirius had done, he got a damp cloth and gently dabbed all the cuts that were scattered across Remus' body.

Lily noted the tenderness of the action, a feeling hidden behind a mask.

She cleared her throat nervously. "Sirius… can you go please?"

Sirius' eyes snapped up to meet hers and a protective hand once again gripped Remus'.

"Anything you have to say to Remus you can say to me." He sat down stubbornly.

Lily sent a pleading look towards Remus. "Look, maybe you should go." He touched Sirius gently on the cheek. "For me."

Sirius shut his eyes tightly. "No."

"Please…" Lily tried again but Sirius cut her off.

"I'm not leaving Rem."

Lily glared at him coolly. "Fine then." She turned to Remus. "I think we should stop… seeing each other."

Shock flittered briefly on Remus' face. "Why?"

Sirius hid his smug smile.

"Sirius, go. Now!" Lily said through gritted teeth.

Remus gave her a cautious glance then something of recognition sank into his eyes. "Wait outside Padfoot." He said softly. Sirius rose his eyebrows and opened his mouth to retaliate. "Don't argue, just do it."

"… Fine." Sirius muttered sulkily and slammed the door behind him.

"Why Lily?" Remus asked softly again.

She blinked back tears and guiltily met his eyes. "You don't love me." She stated sadly.

He said nothing.

"You love him. He loves you." They both knew who she was referring to but still Remus said nothing.

Just what had she seen…

"Yesterday… the whole time you were thinking of him… the whole time you were imagining it was him who was kissing you… touching you…"

Remus sighed. "I - I - yes."

"I've always known it was him, always. But there was some part of me that hoped that you would love me instead." Lily said sadly, her eyes downcast.

Remus smiled and ran a shaky hand through his hair. "I could never love you like James does. Sirius kept telling me that… kept saying that somebody was going to end up getting punched."

Lily giggled weakly. "I did enjoy our time together Rem, but Sirius… he means too much to you."

Remus looked at her, suddenly very guilty.

Confess…

"I kissed him." He said bluntly. "He asked me to and I did. I wasn't going to but I - but I did. And I don't regret it. Sorry." 

Lily sniffed slightly, "I've got to go." She leapt to her feet and ran from the Hospital Wing, wiping her eyes furiously.

Sirius nervously crept inside. "It's okay Rem, she wasn't right for you anyway." He went to touch Remus' arm but Remus shrugged him off.

"Don't."

Sirius sighed. "Why did she finish it anyway, she finally grow a conscience?"

Remus looked at him coldly. "No. You. You're the reason she broke up with me."

Sirius feigned ignorance.

"She thinks - she thinks - thinks we should be together." He mumbled, going bright red.

"Maybe we should -"

Remus growled. "No. And don't even _consider _kissing me again."

As Sirius opened his mouth to say something back, James and Peter flounced into the room.

"Hey Moony!" James cried brightly and Remus smiled weakly.

James' grin faltered as he sensed the tension but ignoring it, he pulled a chair up to Remus' bed and instantly went off into a long winded speech about why Lily's smile was so perfect.

Remus could feel himself drifting off to sleep but was brought back to reality as James and Sirius fluffed up his pillows.

A piece of parchment fluttered to the floor and James bent down to pick it up.

The gin slid off his face as he cleared his throat and asked rather hoarsely, "Moony…"

"Hmm?"

"Why has Lily wrote _'You're the best I've ever had' _in your card…?"

* * *

Oooh!

Twas my birthday on Saturday, that's why the update has taken so long.

Have also watched Brokeback Mountain for the first time ever and I bawled my eyes out! WAHHHHH!

Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter!

Review xD


	6. Broken Dreams VI

Chapter 6

A piece of parchment fluttered to the floor and James bent down to pick it up.

The gin slid off his face as he cleared his throat and asked rather hoarsely, "Moony…"

"Hmm?"

"Why has Lily wrote _'You're the best I've ever had' _in your card…?"

Remus' mouth went dry, his throat constricted, his chest tightened…

His sordid little secret was out…

"Let me see that James." Sirius scoffed, holding out a hand.

James handed it over, still staring at Remus wide eyed and furious, Sirius read it quickly, the anger in his stomach building.

"I'll ask you once more Remus and this time I want the truth; Is there something between you and Lily?" James asked through gritted teeth.

Remus opened his mouth to speak but shook his head instead. "No," he croaked. "No there isn't."

James' jaw set and a certain fury entered his eyes, "Are you calling me dumb Remus Lupin? Because god help you if you are..."

"Of course I'm not calling you thick -"

"Explain what that card meant then!" James snarled as he started pacing.

"It - I - We -" Remus took a deep breath and stared at James. "Why are you so angry anyway? It's not as if you were going out or anything!"

James turned to stare at him incredulously. "Where the fuck have you being for the past six years?"

Remus coolly met his gaze, "You can't mess around with half the school whilst banning anyone from going near her! You treat her like a pet for crying out loud James! You don't frigging own her!"

James growled. "I've loved her for such a long time! You knew how I felt about her! You're meant to be one of my best friends and last I checked, best friends don't do that to each other! I mean I wouldn't screw Sirius at any rate!"

Remus' eyes narrowed. "And what's that meant to mean?"

"You _know_ what it means."

Remus smiled in a twisted fashion, "If you screwed Sirius I'd be wondering why the hell you say you're in love with Lily."

"I meant hypothetically! I wouldn't go anywhere near Sirius with a -"

"I am still _here _guys!" Sirius piped up unhelpfully, "And sorry James but scrawny gits aren't my type."

James rolled his eyes, "I just can't believe you'd do this to me, are you honestly that selfish?"

Remus gulped, the wolf within him was starting to surface, "You don't know anything about it James, you don't why, you don't know how and you don't know a single thing about it so don't you dare judge me! Don't you dare!"

"How can I not judge you?! You're sleeping with the person your best friend loves!" James cried.

Remus sat up, folding his arms stubbornly. "Last time I checked, Lily wasn't complaining, infact, she was rather enjoying herself as you might have gathered from that card -"

All colour drained from James' cheeks but he refused to back down. "I LOVE HER!"

Remus gritted his teeth, "She has a right to choose for herself James and anyway; I wouldn't worry about it anymore; we're over." He said almost casually.

James paused as Remus blinked back tears. "… over?"

"Over." Remus confirmed. "Thought that might please you!"

James, thrown off his stride looked as though he wanted to comfort Remus but the moment passed and his hard gaze set back in. "Good. She wasn't right for you anyway… too good for you." He muttered as an after thought.

Remus' eyebrows shot into is hair, "Are you suggesting that _you're _good enough for her?!" He started laughing hysterically. "Oh believe me James, she's way too good for you, you see she actually has a brain."

James snarled. "At least I care about my friends!"

Remus snorted. "You care about your friends? Since when has caring about your friends included shouting at them the morning after the full moon!" He grimaced, his sensitive ears ringing.

James shook his head "Don't bring that crap up with me, we all _know _that you're well enough!"

Remus grimaced again at a painful twinge in his side. "You don't know what a full moon does to me because you've never asked! Lily did James! Lily did! She cares for me more than you ever have! And if you're going to chew my ear off about it then I suggest you go and have a go at Lily too because I assure you, it wasn't a one way thing."

James looked as though he would liked to do nothing more than punch Remus.

"And that's just going by the way she'd scream my name when she -"

James lunged at him but Sirius got there first and pushed James back. "Leave it."

"Don't - don't you _dare!" _James started saying, his breathing laboured, his hands balled into tight fists.

"Can't you see it James? She doesn't want you because you're too big headed, arrogant and so bloody stupid!" Remus bit his lips tightly as another painful twinge hit his side.

"And you actually think you had a chance with her?!" James pretended to think, "But then again, you're gay so what would it matter anyway?"

Remus' eyes narrowed again.

"I bet that's why she finished you isn't it? You're too much of a poofter for her!"

"Get out." Remus said, his voice deadly quiet. "Get out _now."_

James stayed where he was.

"FOR GOD SAKE JAMES JUST LEAVE!" Remus shouted as his face twisted as the pain of his side tripled.

James stood still and Sirius sighed, "James. Go. Now."

"No! He slept with _my _Lily!"

"I swear to god James! You are so incredibly stupid I'm surprised that you can actually walk on two legs!" Remus growled, the wolf starting to show in his eyes. "You can stay there but I can quite easily move you. You're forgetting about the wolf you see..." Remus' voice dropped low; threatening people with the wolf a foreign concept to him.

James' eyes widened in surprise and then a satisfied look took over, "Is this how you managed to get Lily into bed with you then? Threatening her with the wolf?" James took a step forward, taunting Remus. "Is that how you pass your tests too? Do you threaten the teachers, do you threaten to rip them limb from limb or to tear their guts out and trail them across the grounds?"

Silence met his words and Remus took a calming breath, "James. Leave. For crying out loud just go! Go and don't come back!"

"Or what?" James asked with a twisted smirk. "You'll turn me into one of your own kind? Because you sure as hell aren't human!"

Sirius snapped himself.

He grabbed James by his collar and threw him roughly out the room.

"What the hell are you doing James? He was with Lily! So what!? It's not like you had a chance anyway!" Sirius hissed.

James scowled. "I thought you were my friend… siding with him… traitor…"

Sirius rolled his eyes, "I side with who I think is right, now excuse me because my best friend _needs _me."

Sirius slammed the door behind him and went back to comforting Remus, ignoring Peter who was still frozen with shock in the corner.

Remus was desperately blinking back tears, he glanced from Sirius to Peter who were watching him closely and laughed slightly. "I knew it would happen, I knew."

He sighed sadly, and he glanced at Peter again. "Peter… warn Lily!" He said suddenly, his voice full of urgency. "Run as Wormtail! Warn her just - just say 'James knows'. Go!"

Peter hesitated but Sirius shot him a look and he squeaked before turning into a rat and running from the room.

"Rem… You okay?" Sirius asked softly and went to take Remus' hand.

But Remus snatched it away. "Don't touch me." He snarled again.

Everything was over…

James knew…

James knew ….

James knew and hated him for it…

James knew…

He shut his eyes tightly but quickly reopened them. "Sorry… just … I'm sorry."

"It's okay… I mean… hell… it's my fault she finished you…" Sirius said with a twisted smiled.

His dreams had come true by shattering someone else's….

Remus chuckled weakly, "No, if anything it's my fault. You and I both knew where it was going… I should've stopped it but I - I didn't." He shook his head slightly and kept his gaze fixed on his hands. "We knew… but I didn't stop it…"

"Why?" Sirius asked suddenly, interrupting the werewolf's train of thought. "Why didn't you stop it?"

Remus met his gaze for a brief second before looking away, pure embarrassment etched on his face. "I - I guess that I wanted - wanted…" He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I wanted to know where it was going… to see how far you were going to take it… to see what you would do…"

Sirius murmured thoughtfully. "Did I?... I mean, did I take it as far as you thought I would?"

Remus met his gaze steadily, his amber eyes glowing delightfully but masking a hidden depth. "No, no. I - I honestly thought that after that night in the kitchen… after I - after I -" He gesticulated with is hand and Sirius just nodded. "- I thought you'd more than likely try it on at some point."

"But I never did."

"No… I was shocked and to tell the truth a - a little disappointed." Remus mumbled quickly, more to his hands than Sirius.

"You told me to stop. You told me to stop so I did." Sirius sat down next to Remus.

"Yeah but I didn't think you actually would… I've being waiting for you to try it on ever since." Remus said with a soft smile. "But now -"

"So you actually _wanted _me to try - try and k - kiss you or - or er more." Sirius was watching him closely, waiting for a reaction.

Remus just nodded and cleared his throat again, "But - but I think I was wasting my time."

"No you weren't Rem, I just thought you didn't want it." Sirius leant forward and tipped Remus' chin up so Remus was looking directly at him.

Remus gulped and flinched at the contact but Sirius refused to drop his hand, "I did… I did want it."

"Did? Don't you want it anymore?" Sirius tried, unsuccessfully, to hide his hurt tone.

Remus shut his eyes as he spoke, unwilling to see Sirius' expression, "Not anymore." He sighed heavily. "I need chance to heal - in more ways than one."

He reopened his eyes to find Sirius glaring at him warily, "So… What? You were playing me?" He laughed bitterly. "I'm afraid it's my job to play people… not _yours!" _

Yeah well, now you know how it feels…

Remus bit the words back and grumbled "Shit." into his hands instead. "No…! I was never playing you! I just -" Words failed him and he stared at his fingernails instead. "Sirius please… I just need a break from relationships right now… they're complicated and … please Sirius! I need you!" He bit his bottom lip and looked pleadingly at Sirius. "James - Well he hates me now! I need you there to help me… I need your support! Please!"

Sirius took a deep breath, _Sirius knew his heart would end up broken… but now or later?_

"Okay Rem, but then… I want answers yeah?"

-X-X-X-X-X-

For two days, Remus stayed up in the darkness of the dorm, refusing to talk to anyone.

For the majority of the time, Sirius left him to it, slightly bitter at being brushed off so easily.

But after two days, the young werewolf hadn't eaten and Sirius was starting to worry about him.

Sirius slipped into the dorm, smiling cheerfully and trying to beat down his nerves.

"Hey Rem, how are you? I brought you some food." Sirius said as he sat down on Remus' bed, placing a plate on the bedside table.

But as normal, Remus didn't answer, just stared into nothing, his body numb, his mind still.

"Come on Rem, this isn't healthy." Sirius sighed and went to place a hand on Remus' shoulder but stopped himself and brought his hand back to his side. "Come on Remus, look at me! Let me know you're still alive at least!"

Remus snorted and turned to look at him warily, his once bright amber eyes dulled down to a brassy orange. "Why are you even here Sirius?"

"I wanted to make sure you're okay! The teachers are starting to ask questions -"

Remus snorted again and turned back to staring at nothing. "What do you care?" He sighed. "I don't belong here anyway."

Sirius bit his lip, his mind searching for an answer to solve his problems. "Just tell me what's wrong! Lily -"

Remus sat up properly, glaring at him. "It's nothing to do with Lily! I said I'd cope and I can."

Sirius almost laughed out loud. "You call this coping?"

Remus' glare hardened, and he looked away again, tears threatening him. "You wouldn't understand."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Try me, I may not but it'll do you good to talk about it."

Remus took a deep breath and looked at the floor, "I can't do it again… I thought I'd left all that behind…"

Sirius remained silent, giving Remus time to think.

"When I was first bitten… when people found out… never again… hatred."

Sirius sighed. "Remus you're not making sense."

Remus blinked at him slowly as though only just realising he was there. "The looks of disgust in everyone's eyes… being ignored _all _the time… I lived without friends… I lived with only my father to love me… I can't do it all again!"

His past was catching up with him…

Sirius watched as the wreck that was once Remus seemingly broke down. He took the shaking werewolf in his arms and pulled him close to his chest.

"You don't know what's like… people once your friends too afraid to even look at you… people you once loved too afraid to even be in the same house as you… to be chased from villages… from towns… I can't do it… I can't go back to being hated.. Not now that I know what it's like to have friends… I can't do it, I can't!"

"You've got me… I won't leave you… not ever!" Sirius said soothingly.

Remus scoffed and smiled sadly, "I haven't got you really, not like I used to. This is the first time you've touched me since I left the hospital wing."

"I thought you didn't -"

"When I said I didn't want _it, _I didn't mean I didn't need you!" Remus clutched Sirius' shirt tightly. "Everything, _everything _has broken down, it's crashed around my ears and there's nothing, _nothing _I can do about it!" He nibbled his bottom lip. "Isn't it kinder to go through life lonely than getting that oh so sweet taster before it's snatched away?"

Sirius stroked his hair gently.

"God knows I've learnt to play the lonely man, I've never felt so low in my life!(1)" He paused again, "And that's saying something."

They sat in silence for a little while.

"I'll always be here Remus, always. You're stuck with me now!"

Remus giggled slightly but then turned serious, "That's all fine and dandy but once Hogwarts discover that James isn't talking to me what will you do then?"

"I'll stay by your side." Was Sirius' instant reply. "I don't care what people think about me so long as I've got you!"

Remus looked at him sceptically, "I'm not looking for a boy -"

"I _know! _I'm perfectly happy being just friends so long as I've still got you!" Sirius reassured him. "I mean, I'm not going to jump you or push you against a wall or anything." Remus blushed heavily and buried his face in Sirius' chest.

"I just can't deal with it! The looks of hatred or fear in people's eyes, it makes me feel so ashamed!" Remus bit back tears and sat up. "If I could just leave! Just go - just go and not come back -"

His eyes fell on his trunk and he jumped to his feet.

He started throwing clothes haphazardly into his trunk muttering, "That's what I'll do.. _so _simple… Dumbledore will understand… I'll just _leave…_ then everyone will be happy…"

Sirius watched him, his frown deepening.

"Rem…?" He asked gently but no reply came and the werewolf continued to pack. "Rem… listen to me… Remus!"

But still Remus ignored him.

Sirius caught Remus' arm and held on tightly. "You're not running away, you're not leaving me here."

"Then come with me. I'm not staying here, I can't Sirius! I CAN'T!" His voice broke and he pulled away roughly. "I'm not! I refuse to!"

Sirius moved to stand in front of the door. "Rem you can't just leave!"

Remus turned to him stonily. "You don't understand what it was like Sirius. I refuse to do that again. I refuse to."

"But you won't be alone! You've got me and Lily at least!" Sirius cried desperately.

Remus blinked at him, confused. "Hasn't James told you?"

"Potter? Told me what? I haven't spoken to him since I threw him out of the Hospital Wing."

Remus' eyes widened but he said coolly, "He's with Lily."

"Pardon?" Pure shock.

"He's with Lily." Remus repeated slowly "As in going out."

"The utter bastard." The first thing that came to mind and Sirius said it out loud, sounding strangely distant and out of it.

Remus smiled sadly, "I'm going. I've got nothing keeping me here -" He looked at Sirius apologetically. "-except you. If you really care about me you'll let me leave!"

Sirius leant his head against the door and shut his eyes tightly. "No."

"What?"

"I said no. I'm not letting you run. You're not a coward, I'm not letting you." Sirius said, his mind made up.

Silence met his ears and he opened his eyes to see Remus sat on his trunk, head in hands. "Let me leave! Please Sirius! Please!" He was almost pleading and this in itself disturbed Sirius; he'd never heard Remus sound so desperate.

He sighed and shook his head. "I can't do that."

Silence fell again and Sirius realised that the werewolf was sobbing silently; silent tears for a pain he refused to share.

He looked up at Sirius, his eyes held a strange glint and he wore a twisted smirk. "You know the song Too Much Love Will Kill You? It's true, far too true."

Sirius frowned at him, puzzled.

But as lyrics began to come back to him, his eyes widened.

"Don't you see Sirius? I chose you! I chose the 'lover'!" His shook his head as the tears continued to stream.

Sirius didn't know how to answer, instead he sat next to Remus and threaded their fingers together lightly as Remus turned and sobbed into his shoulders and Sirius realised he was singing under his breath,

"Too much love will kill you  
If you can't make up your mind  
Torn between the lover  
And the love you leave behind  
You're headed for disaster  
'Cos you never read the signs  
Too much love will kill you - every time." 

Sirius held him silently, breath held, too scared to hurt Remus.

"Too much love will kill you  
Just as sure as none at all  
It'll drain the power that's in you  
Make you plead and scream and crawl  
And the pain will make you crazy  
You're the victim of your crime  
Too much love will kill you - every time"

Remus took a deep breath and sat back. "I'm going Sirius, I've got to. I can't stay. Not here, not now." He got to his feet and turned towards his trunk, briefly glancing at Sirius. "Come with me or this is it."

Sirius' head shot up. "I'm not leaving and neither should you. I need you here!" He blinked back furious tears.

"But why? Why do you so desperately want me to stay? Your not going to get anything from me and as James -oh-so-kindly-pointed- out; I'm not even human!"

Sirius stared back savagely at Remus. "I don't just want sex from you, why the hell do you even think that?! I _love _you for crying out loud!"

Remus froze for a moment and his eyes started to drop their shield but then it was instantly thrown back up again as he turned away.

"This is it then as your not coming with me. Goodbye Sirius, it was good knowing you." He crossed the room between them and briefly clasped hands with Sirius. "Goodbye my friend."

Then he turned and walked away._Turning his back on the past…_

_Turning to the future…_

_Turning away…_

_

* * *

_

Sorry the update took so long but this chapter, as you can tell, is extremely important to the story. 

(1) And the singer was? Guess.

I don't own the lyrics btw, just really like the dead singer of the band who sang them... Hehe...

Erm so yeahh... What happens now?

1) Remus leaves for a week or so

2) Sirius stops him some how

Oh and who else agrees that Freddie Mercury is simply the greatest singer/performer to ever live?

Review xD 


	7. Broken Dreams VII

Chapter 7

Remus squeezed his eyes shut tightly as he walked down the stairs and across the Common Room.

He was waiting for the pounding footsteps…

The shout of his name…

The hand pulling him back…

But none came.

No-one stopped him.

No-one stopped him as he walked out the Common Room.

No-one stopped him as he trudged down the corridor.

No-one _cared…_

He leant against the wall, catching sharp breaths.

No-one cared…

He felt tears of the bitter truth surge forward but he blinked savagely.

He would not cry…

He could see the entrance to see Dumbledore's office.

He put one foot in front of the other and started to walk steadily towards it, feeling as though he was walking towards his execution.

He knocked cautiously on the stone wall, taking a deep calming breath.

The wall slid open and Remus stepped onto the spiral staircase.

So this was it…

This was the end…

This was the end and nobody had stopped him…

He walked into the office, his head held high.

He could leave with his dignity at least…

"Professor… I'd like to leave."

-X-X-X-X-X-

Sirius watched him go.

Coldness seeped into his heart.

Hatred at Remus for leaving him…

Hatred at himself for not stopping Remus…

Hatred at James for messing everything up…

He got to his feet, fists clenched, jaw set.

He stomped don the stairs, anger written on his face.

James was going to pay…

Every eye turned to him as he shouted out, "POTTER!"

James jumped but didn't look round.

Instead he made a show of smiling at Lily and rolling his eyes before getting to his feet and walking over to Sirius.

"Yes Black?" He asked calmly, his voice cold.

Sirius narrowed his eyes, "I thought you should know that Remus has left _left _because of you!" He prodded James sharply in the chest, blood roaring in his ears.

A look of concern passed over James' face before it was quickly masked with indifference.

He folded his arms, "And I should care because…?"

Sirius would've punched him there and then but he knew once he started, he wouldn't be able to stop.

"_Because _he's your best friend!" Sirius' voice had dropped to a low, threatening growl. "He's leaving Hogwarts for good!"

James eyed him suspiciously, "I don't care. He's your lover boy not mine!"

A scandalized whisper ran round the Common Room.

Sirius gulped but refused to back down, "You have no idea hat you've done to him! If he wasn't against murder I'd murder you on the spot!"

James opened his arms mockingly, "Go on then." He snorted when Sirius shook his head tightly.

He wanted to do nothing more than punch him…

To make him feel what he was feeling… 

To make him bleed…

To make him hurt….

To make him feel something_… _

Anything…

"Is ickle Sirius too _afraid _to even hit me?" James smirked, "Or does he need that pet of his? That pet Lupin?"

Sirius lost it.

His blood boiled beneath the surface…

His vision turned red…

His mind froze…

And he punched James.

And again.

And again.

And again.

The roaring in his ears…

The furious beat of his heart...

The crunching of bones…

People started pulling him off the cowering form of James but he struggled and yelled against them…

James needed to pay…

He caught sight of James sat on the floor, his face swollen, blood spurting from his nose, angry bruises already forming on his cheeks, glasses smashed…

He stopped struggling and stood still, panting heavily he looked James directly in the eye as he pulled his wand out and pointed it at James' chest…

He could feel the magic in his blood pushing him to say it, he could hear dark whispers in his mind, he could already see the look of satisfaction on his mothers face…

He reluctantly lowered his wand and looked James in the eye instead, his normally silver eyes were a cold steel.

"I'm going to make you wish you'd never been born Potter."

**-X-X-X-X-X-**

Remus sat in front of the desk, his insides shaking.

"Why do wish to leave so badly Mr Lupin?" Dumbledore asked gently, surveying Remus closely.

"It was a mistake." Remus answered shortly, "It was a mistake to think I could ever come here."

Dumbledore sighed and tapped his fingertip together, "Have you informed your friends that you're leaving?"

Remus nodded mutely.

"And what did they say?"

Remus shrugged, his eyes trained on the desk.

"What did Mr Potter say?"

Remus shrugged.

"What about Mr Pettigrew?"

Remus shrugged again.

"And Mr Black? Surely he doesn't want you to go?"

Remus shook his head briefly, "None of them came after me. And anyway, they'll be fine without me."

"Are you sure about that Mr Lupin?"

Remus nodded again.

They sat in a tense silence until Remus decided to break it, "Look sir, I don't want it to be a problem but I can't stay here. I can't!" He looked down at his hands and continued, "And if you don't give me permission then I'll … I'll leave anyway."

Dumbledore almost smiled, "So you'll go whether I give my permission or not? You thought it polite to at least ask?"

Remus nodded quickly, he'd never even stood up to a teacher before let alone the _headmaster!_

Dumbledore held out a packet of sherbet lemons but Remus declined.

Dumbledore sat and crunched his, looking as though he were deep in thought.

Finally he sat back and met Remus' eyes.

"How much do you want go?" He asked smoothly.

Remus' eyebrows rose with shock, "You're going to let me go?" He asked incredulously.

Dumbledore nodded calmly, pressing his fingertips together, "On the condition you promise to come to me if I need your help."

Remus eyed him coldly, "You mean if you ever need a werewolf spy for Voldemort."

Dumbledore said nothing but his blue eyes were faintly surprised.

"I'm not stupid." Remus spat viciously before sighing, "So I can go?"

"Yes, yes you can go."

-X-X-X-X-X-

Sirius spat once on James before turning and sprinting out of the portrait hole.

He had to find Remus…

He couldn't let Remus go without saying goodbye at least…

He came to a stop…

Where would he be?

As inspiration came he took off again, this time heading in the direction of Dumbledore's office.

He skidded to a halt at the gargoyle and glared at it, "Let me in."

The gargoyle shook his head and Sirius took a step back.

He knocked roughly on the wall and was granted entrance, he raced up the stairs before pausing outside the office door.

What could he say…

-X-X-X-X-X-

Remus' head turned sharply in the direction of the door as he heard foot steps running up the stairs.

He glanced at Dumbledore whom was sat staring longingly at his sherbet lemons, apparently untroubled.

"Sir…?" Dumbledore looked at him. "Sir… I think someone's at the door."

Dumbledore glanced at the door and then back at Remus, "And so there is."

The door was edged nervously open until Sirius was stood in the doorway.

His expression cleared as he saw Remus still sat in the chair.

"Don't leave." Sirius stated simply.

Remus sighed and opened his mouth to speak but Dumbledore beat him to it.

"Mr Black? Why on earth are you covered in blood?"

Sirius gazed down at his shirt as though noticing the blood for the first time. "Oh. Er - James." He muttered embarrassedly and Dumbledore smiled slightly.

Sirius brought his gaze to meet Remus', "If there's any reason for you to stay it's to keep me from murdering that bastard!" His eyes flicked to Dumbledore whom was humming to himself.

"Please don't go!" Sirius tried desperately.

Remus bit his lip, "I can't ask you to choose between James and I -"

Sirius let out a wild laugh, "Don't you think that maybe, just maybe, I made that decision when I broke his nose?"

Remus almost smiled.

Sirius took a hesitant step towards him, "Rem… Please don't leave me!"

Remus stayed perfectly still, his mind working furiously.

"Why? Why should I stay?" He got to his feet as he spoke and moved towards the fire.

Sirius all but jumped the last few feet and grabbed Remus' arm, pulling the werewolf round to face him until their noses were almost touching. "Because I haven't had chance to do this -"

He pressed their lips together in a bruising, needy kiss.

He pulled back sharply, his heart getting faster, "I love you Remus. I love you and I can't let you go!"

Remus, it seemed, had frozen with shock.

"Rem… if you step into that fire I'll never _never _forgive you!" He shook Remus slightly.

Remus took a step back, his eyes wide with shock, one hand tracing his lips.

"Please Remus! Please don't go!" This was as close as Sirius had ever got to pleading, to breaking down, to shutting off.

Remus looked down at his feet, "I - We - I - I can't stay." He said finally, his voice small.

Sirius desperately blinked back tears before rounding on Dumbledore, "And you're just going to let him go? What sort of head teacher are you?!" As much as he respected Dumbledore this was just going _too _far.

Dumbledore rose both eyebrows, "If he wants to leave then it's his decision."

Sirius snorted and turned back to Remus, "Don't you dare go! Don't you dare!" His voice had gone unnaturally high.

"I'm sorry -"

Sirius turned away, wiping his eyes furiously.

He could not cry…

He would not cry…

Crying would demean his sense of pride…

"Go then." He said coolly, "Go and don't come back!"

Remus flinched at the solid mask behind the eyes, "I've got to. But I'll write, I promise!"

"Don't bother." Sirius called as he stalked over to the door and slammed it behind him.

He wasn't going to waste his time on a traitor…

Remus blinked slowly, processing what had just happened.

Dumbledore was watching him closely, "I thought you said your friends don't want you here?"

Remus glanced at him but said nothing.

-X-X-X-X-X-

Sirius lasted until he reached the end of the corridor.

And then he broke down.

He fell against the wall, the tears finally falling.

He slumped to the floor, knees drawn to his chest, sobs wracking his body.

So he'd being abandoned…

So he wasn't wanted…

So he wasn't needed…

A strangled cry tumbled from his lips as he punched the wall desperately, the anger at himself clouding the pain.

Finally his eyes ran dry and using the wall to support himself he got to his feet and tumbled to the Gryffindor Common Room.

His hair was all over…

… but he was past caring.

His eyes were red and puffy…

… but he was past caring.

His knuckled were scraped and bleeding…

… but he was past caring.

He walked straight over to the fire, straight over to James.

He looked at his work with satisfaction, the bleeding had stopped but James' face was swollen, numerous cuts and bruises littered his face and he was deathly pale.

"You'd better start praying Potter." Sirius started, his voice harsh and rough. "Because the minute we leave this castle I _will _hunt you down and destroy you. I will obliterate any sign of you, I will smash your tiny little life into thousands of pieces, I will literally squeeze the life out of you." His voice fell to a dramatic whisper. "What I'm going to do with you will make Voldemort look like a harmless pussy cat. I am understood?"

The little colour that had being in James' face drained away and he gulped but his eyes remained defiant.

"Sure." He muttered casually.

Sirius took a step back, clearly satisfied that James was scared shitless.

"Oh and one more thing. This is from Remus -"

He swung his fist back and knocked James clean out.

-X-X-X-X-X-

Remus slumped back into the chair again. "You're not really going to let me go _are _you?"

Dumbledore smiled and shook his head, "No, no I never had any intentions of letting you leave just like you've had no intentions of actually going."

"But I do - I do want to leave." Remus said quickly.

"If you really wanted to leave you wouldn't have asked for permission, you wouldn't be sat here now, you wouldn't care so much that nobody had gone after you."

Remus sighed, "But I can't stay, Sirius -" He sighed again, "Sirius was the only one still talking to me and I've even turned him against me now!"

"I think - somehow - that Sirius will be too happy at your return to care too much that you left in the first place." Dumbledore paused, glancing at the window. "And I'd prefer Mr Potter alive."

Remus snorted, "I doubt Sirius would even contemplate killing him. They're closer than brothers."

Dumbledore got up and walked over to a cabinet. "So Mr Black was _not _covered in blood and I was merely seeing things?" He probed gently.

Remus laughed bitterly, "Yeah… right. It won't have being James' blood, it was probably his own; he'll have accidentally cut himself or something."

"May I suggest Mr Lupin, that you pay a quick visit to the Hospital wing before you leave?"

Remus' head snapped up. "What's happened?"

"Go and see."

Remus nodded quickly and left the room swiftly, purposefully leaving his trunk.

-X-X-X-X-X-

Sirius sank into James' vacated chair as Lily and Peter carried the unconscious James to the hospital wing.

He could feel laughter bubbling in the pit of his stomach, threatening to fall out his mouth.

He took a deep breath and steadied his breathing.

He hated James…

-X-X-X-X-X-

Remus threw the door back and jogged into the Hospital Wing, he spied Lily and Peter sat round a bed and jogged down to it.

He gasped hen he saw James.

"What the…?"

Lily turned at the sound of his voice and she smiled in relief, "So you're staying?" She asked hopefully.

He shook his head and pointed at James soundlessly.

"Sirius." Lily said a little bitterly, "He's also threatened to kill him."

Remus lowered himself into an empty chair, "B - because of me?" He asked when he finally found his voice.

"Yeah." Lily looked at him, "He's past himself Remus, you should've seen him."

Remus sighed sadly,

_So Dumbledore had being right…_

Sirius was _capable of murder…_

"Where is he?"

"Common Room." Peter and Lily replied in unison and Remus got to his feet again.

This needed sorting out…

-X-X-X-X-X-

Sirius smiled to himself as he planned out all the ways James could die.

Something painful? Certainly.

Torture? Oh yes.

Prolonged suffering? A must have.

Gruesome? But of course.

He smiled more wildly.

Oh boy was James going to pay…

-X-X-X-X-X-

Remus panted as he ran up the numerous stairs, his mind still reeling from the shock.

Gasping for breath he fell into the Common Room and quickly spotted Sirius sat in a chair with his back to the door.

Straightening up, he walked steadily over to Sirius and placed a hand on his shoulder.

Sirius jumped and turned round, the disturbing smile slipping off when he saw who it was.

"Oh." He said shortly, turning back round.

Remus sat down on the sofa sighing, "I've seen James."

Sirius smiled gleefully again, his eyes wild. "Delightful isn't he?"

Remus frowned slightly, "Delightful? You knocked your best friend out!"

"I don't have a best friend. They left me." Sirius said coolly.

Remus bit his lip. "You could've killed him Sirius!"

Sirius met his eyes, bold and unflinchingly he said, "And I wish I had."

"You don't mean that -" Remus started but the conviction in Sirius' eyes was such that he cut himself off. "Why?" He asked instead.

"Well you wouldn't do it." Sirius sat back, smiling in a disturbed fashion again.

"No you're right, I wouldn't." Remus took Sirius' hand. "Sirius… I - I don't need you to protect me."

"Yes because you _always _stick up for yourself." Sirius stated sarcastically.

"I know how far to go with things at least!" Remus snapped. "I know when I've gone far enough!"

Sirius chuckled, "You see Rem, this _this _is why I need you! You're my voice of reason!"

Remus rolled his eyes, "So that's why I should stay?"

Sirius nodded, the mad gleam in his eyes starting to dull. "Yeah."

Remus let go off Sirius' hand and sat back against the sofa. "Did you really do that to James?"

Sirius nodded.

"This is just some ploy isn't it? You and James, you've set this up!"

Sirius shook his head, holding up bloody knuckles, "No."

Remus sighed again and shut his eyes. _Things were such a mess…_

He felt the sofa dip next to him a pair of rough arms pull him into a hug.

He felt tears drip onto his neck and he realised Sirius was crying.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry Rem. Please don't leave me." Sirius uttered softly, every word dripped sadness.

"I won't." Remus finally replied, pressing his lips tenderly against Sirius'.

Sirius pulled back, smiling slightly, "I love you."

"Love you too." Remus muttered, his cheeks flushing pink.

"Good." Sirius murmured in reply as he swung his feet up onto the sofa and pulled Remus onto his chest.

They were both smiling when they fell into an empty sleep.

-X-X-X-X-X-

Dumbledore smiled as the house-elf appeared.

"Kindly take Mr Lupin's things back to his dorm… I doubt he'll be leaving any time soon."

-X-X-X-X-X-

Once Remus had gone, Peter turned to Lily, "Think he'll stay?"

"Definitely." She replied, "He knows Sirius really does love him now."

Peter smiled weakly, "What about James? Think he'll be alright with them?"

A cold glint entered Lily's eyes, "Oh he will be_, believe me."_

* * *

Well... that was a hell of a lot longer than I intended it to be.

Anyway... should be around two more chapters and I'm sorry about the mistakes in here but this was wrote today and I don't normally update the day I write something. But I have.

What did you all think anyway? Twas certainly different to how I normally write but...

Review xD

P.s Me got two cats the other day...

P.p.s I'm going to start replying to reviews (or trying to at least)


	8. Broken Dreams VIII

Chapter 8

When Remus woke, he felt dread settle in his stomach and let out a nervous sigh.

Today was the first time he would be in the public eye since he and James had fallen out…

Sirius, noticing he was awake, gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and a gentle kiss on the lips murmuring, "We'll be fine Rem, just ignore _him."_

Sat down at the breakfast table, they ignored everything and everybody except each other.

In fact, they barely looked up when James walked past, his arm in a sling and sporting huge visible bruises.

But they did hear James snapping, "She refused to heal me properly; told me I should be more careful in the future." They couldn't resist laughing slightly then.

For most of the morning they put up with snide comments and dirty looks. Remus simply hid behind Sirius who just didn't give a toss.

The shouts of 'Get a room!' for example and hand gestures they could deal with, they could even deal with the sharp glances James and his fan club kept sending them, but what was really getting to Sirius was the fact that James was telling people he had beaten Sirius, saying that Sirius had run from the fight.

And if there was one thing that got to Sirius Black it was being called a coward.

Sirius Black was no coward after all.

They were sat in Potions just after lunch right in front of James. James had just started telling the story to a particularly giggly girl and his words were loud and clear.

Remus was rubbing Sirius' thigh soothingly as the animagus tensed and kept flexing his fingers as though itching to strangle James.

Which he was.

He nearly survived the double lesson.

Nearly being the operative word.

Slamming his quill down with just five minutes to go, his temper had reached breaking point and he turned round to stare viciously at James.

"If you beat me to pulp Potter, then would you care to explain why _you're _the one that spent the night in the hospital wing and is covered with bruises?" He growled, his eyes narrowed and Remus simply hovered in the background, eyeing James with distaste.

James glowered back and licked his lips nervously, "I - er - I fell down the stairs." He said finally, waving a vague hand.

Sirius snorted, "So where are my bruises then? You beat me… where are my bruises huh!?" His anger at James was flaring in his chest and even Remus holding the back of his robes could not deter him.

James didn't say anything.

"Precisely Potter! Precisely! I beat you and you know it!" Sirius banged his fist on the table and James flinched but met Sirius' eyes with a cool gaze.

"If you'd like another go…"

"Oh I would Potter, I would love to do nothing better than smash your ugly little face in but I, _I _have some self control." He slammed his chair under the desk and stormed out, Remus hurrying nervously after.

He reached the end of the corridor before turning and slamming his fist against the wall, breathing heavily.

Remus caught up with him, tentatively placing a hand on the animagus' arm. "I thought we were going to ignore him?" He laughed nervously.

Sirius glanced at him, before turning and pacing, "I can deal with the looks, the shouts, the insults anything _anything _but that git saying he beat me!" He paused, looking at Remus through his hair, "I would like to do nothing more than throw him off the Astromony Tower tied to a big bag of bricks -"

"You don't mean that?" Remus winced when it came out more of a question than a statement.

Sirius laughed slightly, his eyebrow quirked, "Oh believe me Moony, I've never wanted this so much in my life!" He flexed his fingers. "If I could get away with it I would -"

"Sirius stop it! He's your best friend!"

"Was, Rem, _was."_

Remus dithered slightly, biting his lip, "But he hasn't done anything directly -" The sentence hadn't even left his mouth and he was pinned up against a wall, his lips engaged with another occupation.

When Sirius pulled away, he gulped and gently put the palm of his hand Remus' face, "He hurt you. He made you want to leave. He made you almost suicidal. He hurts you, I hurt him. Simple really. I love you, you see."

Remus almost laughed at the possessiveness, "Padfoot… I don't want you to _kill _him!" He ran his hands through Sirius' hair, "And why the animosity now? I'm staying… I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

Sirius smiled at Remus' naivety, "Sweet innocent Remus… it's about more than just you now Remus, he still hurt you for no reason and I kicked his arse. His pride won't let him rest until he beats me and quite frankly -," He threw his head back and laughed, "- that's never going to happen. So you see, _it's war!" _

Remus smiled too, "So basically, it's two egos being played off against each other."

"Basically."

-X-X-X-X-X-

Lily was going out of her mind.

After listening to James retell the story of him beating Sirius for the fourth time she stood next to him, smiling sweetly, "James darling… If you're going to tell them stories at least tell them the truth."

James shot her a death glare but she smiled back sweetly.

"James has a compulsive disorder to lie you see. James was pretty much out cold last night because of Sirius." She patted him on the head affectionately. "He's a little bit embarrassed about his best-friend kicking his arse though." she added in a hushed whisper whilst James tried to intervene.

Her nails dug into his back and she pulled him away sharply, still smiling at the people he was talking to, "I swear to god James Potter if I hear you tell that story one more time…!" She let her sentence trail off threateningly and then turned and stalked off, leaving him to complain to himself.

-X-X-X-X-X-

A couple of days later, Sirius had gone down to the kitchen one Sunday morning to get breakfast for himself and Remus.

Remus was sat waiting for him when the Dorm door swung open…

… and in walked James Potter.

James turned away sharply and started digging around in his trunk.

Remus watched his best-friend's back, wondering if he could even call him that. Things had started to get out of control and Remus knew that things needed sorting out and soon and he also knew that it would be up to him to cross the first bridge.

"James…"

No answer.

"James…!" Remus tried, a little louder.

"JAMES!" Still no reply.

"James! At least frigging look at me for crying out loud!"

James paused in what he was doing and straightened up, turning round to face him, "Why should I?" He snarled.

"Because we're friends…" Remus tried desperately.

"Friends!? What the hell gave you _that _impression!" James cried, slamming his trunk lid down.

Remus refused to back down, reminding himself that it needed to be done, "Oh I don't know… maybe the fact we've been friends for the past six years!"

"Yeah well… I don't want to associate with the likes of _you."_

"The likes of me?" Remus blinked slowly, not quite sure if James was on about his lycanoprothy or not.

"_Fairies." _He snarled back, sitting down on his trunk.

Remus rose his eyebrows, "This is all because I'm gay? And Sirius too?"

James nodded childishly, "He was my best friend first!"

"Oh for crying out loud James! Don't you think that there's just the slightest chance you ruined that?"

"_I _ruined that!? It was your fault Remus!"

"How the hell is it _my _fault?!"

"Lily." James stated, folding his arms stubbornly.

"I screwed Lily once or twice and suddenly it's my fault yours and Sirius' friendship is in tatters?" Remus felt like laughing.

"Yes -"

"Well Lily said -"

"You've being talking to Lily?" James shot at him suddenly, his eyes narrowed and dangerous.

Remus nodded slowly, "Am I not allowed to or something?"

"Are you sure you were only talking?"

Remus stared at him incredulously, "Are you _on_ something James? I would never cheat you like that! And I certainly wouldn't cheat on Sirius either!"

James snorted and stood up, "Yeah right. You've done it once. I don't want you -"

"Don't want me what? Talking to Lily anymore?" Remus asked with a twisted smirk.

James nodded.

"Bloody fucking hell James! That's like me saying I don't want you talking to Sirius!" Remus shook his head angrily.

"Well that won't be a problem because I don't _want _to 'talk' to him."

"And I don't want to 'talk' to Lily but I do want to talk to her!" Remus bit his lip out of sheer irritation. "What the hell does she see in someone as possessive as you?"

"What the hell does Sirius in a scrawny git like you?" James instantly shot back.

"A gorgeous personality, amazing eyes and incredible hands." Answered a voice from the doorway with a flirtatious wink.

Remus smiled at his boyfriend but James scowled and stomped out.

"Not allowed to see Lily anymore huh?" Sirius asked sympathetically, patting his knee as James slammed the door.

Remus sighed sadly, "No. I mean, does he really think me as low as that? To cheat on two of my best friends?!"

Sirius sighed, "You know, I didn't think James was annoyed with you anymore; apparently I was wrong."

Remus smiled sadly, "But I've still got you."

"Forever Rem, forever."

-X-X-X-X-X-

"JAMES POTTER GET YOUR BACKSIDE OVER HERE NOW!" Lily screamed as she stormed into the common room. James glanced nervously at her and sunk down low into his chair.

Unfortunately, she'd already seen him.

She stalked over to him and slapped him once, causing his face to instantly flare up.

"Who the hell do you think you are to say who I can and cannot talk to?" She'd drawn her wand and was pointing it at James, her eyes fiery.

"Has Lupin said something?"

She laughed, "No, _James, _no he hasn't. That's sort of the point you see!"

He looked at her blankly and she had the sudden urge to throttle him.

"Remus hasn't spoke to me for _days! _Do you happen to know anything about it by any chance?"

He gulped and cleared his throat, "I - er - well, I _might _have said something…"

"Might?"

"Okay! Fine! I told him he couldn't talk to you," he grumbled under his breath and Lily actually looked close to strangling him this time.

"What is it with you!?" she took a calming breath, "Do you just not want friends or something? Because the way you're going, you won't have a girlfriend either!"

He whimpered, "You don't mean that -" and she looked at him coldly.

"Remus, as you may realise, is _very _important to me and if you even consider telling him/threatening in any shape or form to keep away from me then I will murder you myself and possibly ask Sirius to help." He paled at the thought. "And I'm sure Sirius would be very willing."

"I just - you and him -"

Lily laughed again, "You're jealous! You're jealous because he got to me first and you know don't you, you know that if you'd had the common sense to listen to him ages ago when he was telling you I didn't like being embarrassed, you know you would've got me ages ago."

He glared darkly at her, "Why would I be jealous of _him?"_

"He's got Sirius too. You're best friend, you're brother." She smiled smugly. "You can't handle the fact that you're not the most important thing in Sirius' life anymore."

"I can!"

"So why are so bothered about them being together? You certainly weren't before." She watched as Sirius and Remus walked into the Common Room, hands clasped and grins plastered on their faces. She had the sudden desire to make James squirm, "Guess they've just been for a session in a broom cupboard." She smiled dreamily, "I remember when Remus first took me into a broom cupboard. Oh. My. God. It was _amazing!" _

James, she noted with satisfaction, had gone extremely pale and looked close to throwing up.

She waved at Remus and he waved back nervously, Sirius obviously muttering something about James to him as he laughed slightly.

"I might go ask him if he wants to go to the library for a little bit, he knows the perfect spot to -" She smiled dangerously, "s-"

"Okay! You win!" He folded his arms grumpily and she walked off, smirking victoriously.

-X-X-X-X-X-

On Monday morning, James woke to find Remus sat whispering with Lily.

Feeling more than slightly jealous, he headed over to them.

She rolled her eyes and kissed Remus on the cheek before walking to James.

Remus smirked behind his hand.

Making James paranoid was fun.

-X-X-X-X-X-

But by Charms that afternoon, James was going crazy.

Lily had been using every opportunity to flirt with Remus who had gone along with it and even flirted back.

Sirius would just smirk and then kiss Remus, clearly stating that Remus was _his._

But it all came to head in the last lesson of the day.

Herbology.

"Right class! As these plants require a bit more force, I'll put you into groups." The teacher called out and they all turned towards her.

"Evans, Lupin."

Remus and Lily smiled warmly at each other whilst James' stomach clenched.

"Pettigrew, Abott."

They swapped shy glances and mouthed hello.

"Potter, Black."

Normally, the two working together would de disastrous but all the teachers had heard about the feud and were having a good laugh by winding them up.

"No!" the twoyelled together, "I'm not working with _him!"_

"Tough luck."

"He might try and molest me or something!" James cried in outrage, clenching his fists.

Sirius' jaw set and he turned steadily towards James, "Could your ego _be _any bigger? Do you honestly think I'd ever _want _to molest a traitor like you!?"

Remus sighed and shut his eyes, trying to block out the argument.

"At least I'm not in love with my best friend!"

Remus smiled to himself, James really didn't have a clue.

"And? I love Remus, yeah, it's no big secret," Sirius shrugged.

James had been expecting Sirius to deny anything of the sort and took a step back, revulsion clearly written on his features.

"Is it really that disgusting to you James?" Sirius asked quietly and everybody was waiting with bated breath for the reply.

"No! But he's your best friend! How do I know you haven't been looking at me in the shower or something?!"

"Why the hell would I when I've got Remus! I can assure you," His eyes flashed up and down James, "You don't have anything to interest me."

"How can you go with _him_ when you know what he did to me or does that mean nothing to you?" James, truth be told, was hurt that Sirius had sided with Remus, but he didn't stop to think that maybe they were right.

"What he did to you?" Sirius voice had gone deadly quiet, "He didn't do anything Potter! You weren't even with her!"

"But he knew how I felt about her!"

"So?! You weren't together, so technically she was free game - no offence Lily." he nodded in her direction and she almost giggled.

"He didn't even have the decency to tell me."

"Because he knew you would react like this."

The teacher was watching with a sort of fearful fascination and as she showed no signs of breaking up this argument, Lily stepped forwards.

She stood besides Sirius, knowing she had to swallow her pride and do this, "Have you ever considered me? I played a part too but you're not blaming me are you?"

James looked bewildered and confused as to why Lily was siding with Sirius but he said nothing.

"Lily played as much part in it as I did, unless of course you think I raped her." Remus spoke up too, stepping from the sidelines.

"Wouldn't put it past you -"

Sirius lunged at him, teeth bared but both Remus and Lily grabbed his arms, holding him back.

The teacher, finally snapped from her trance, called order and insisted that the two boys worked together.

_She certainly had an interesting story to tell in the teachers lounge…_

-X-X-X-X-X-

Leant against the castle wall, Remus watched as his boyfriend paced up and down.

"This needs sorting out," Remus said quietly.

Sirius' eyes snapped to him but he accepted defeat and nodded, "It does but I - I don't know if I could forgive him."

"If it helps - I have. It's my fault anyway."

Sirius gripped his arms tightly, "Never say that. This isn't your fault at all! James is just being a bastard is all!"

Remus turned away and sat down on the slightly damp grass, "He's got a point though Padfoot, in a way, she was out of bounds for me."

"And that just makes her all the more tempting."

Remus smiled slightly, resting his head on Sirius' shoulder. "Do you really want to kill him?"

A strange look passed through Sirius' eyes and he thought about it.

"Yes," he said, his voice hoarse. "Yes I do. He doesn't - he just -" Sirius took a deep breath and started pacing again. "When you left… because of _that… _I just - the only time I've ever felt that much hatred was when I was at home."

Remus didn't say anything. He didn't know how to reply.

"I just wanted to kill him, to just shut him up, to hurt him. And I still do. That's why I need you Rem, you never let me do anything stupid."

"So you understand that killing him would be stupid?"

"Stupid yet satisfying."

Remus giggled reluctantly; his boyfriend was considering murder.

Wonderful.

"Would you kill him now?" Remus asked, voicing his thoughts.

"Yes," Sirius instantly replied, "Without hesitation. So please don't leave me alone with him like _ever. _Unless… you're asking me to kill him?" he sounded almost hopeful but Remus shook his head, stifling a small smirk.

They lay on the grass and looked at the stars above them for a while, both lost in thought.

"I want you to sort this out. It's ridiculous! I can understand James not talking to me but you need him too and he needs you!" Remus finally broke the comfortable silence.

Sirius regarded him closely, "Is that what you want?"

"Yes," Remus nodded, "Yes it is."

"So be it then."

-X-X-X-X-X-

James and Lily were having a similar conversation in the Common Room.

"Bloody hell James! Why do you have to be so damn stubborn!"

"You sided with _them!"_

Lily sighed angrily, "They're right and you know it! You've got me now, doesn't that matter?"

"It's the principle of it Lily. If one of your best friends had fancied Remus for years, would you still have gone ahead with it?"

Lily nodded, "Well yeah, then I'd be able to tell them all about it."

James gave her a funny look.

"Couple of my friends fancy you actually James, but I'm still with you aren't I? Or would you rather I bugger off to uphold the unwritten friendship rules." She rolled her eyes.

He glared at her, "It's not funny."

She smiled, green eyes twinkling, "Oh but it is. Now I suggest you get this sorted out pretty quick, you see, it's upsetting Remus, and myself actually. So I suggest you make up soon or deal with having no friends and _no girlfriend_."

"You wouldn't!" his eyes had gone desperately wide and she smirked.

"Just try me."

* * *

Sorry the update took so long! I couldn't decide what to put for this chapter as it's the second to last one. As you can see I finally settled on arguments, very brief but angry arguments.

Next chapter is the end so get voting for happy OR unhappy... It's all in your hands now xD

After this is finished, I'll be getting on with RevengeGoneWrong for those of you who are waiting for it.

Review xD

P.s I realise that the RemusXSirius is quite sudden but it was sort of just bubbling under the surface. Normally, I wouldn't write it that quickly but ...

P.p.s Don't you just love the saying/quote 'Bloody fucking hell!' Hehe...


	9. Broken Dreams IX

**Chapter 9**

Remus stared at his hands, an empty void filling him. 

_His friends had fallen out because of him…_

He knew they wouldn't make up, that the promises were just promises there to be broken. 

His only friends, the only people ever to accept him, the only people he truly trusted - he'd ruined their lives.

He took a deep shuddering breath and his gaze turned to the window. 

The full moon would be soon and half of his pack would be missing. 

Peter had kept out of it but he wouldn't go if James didn't and he didn't want James there. 

The door opened and Remus jumped; he hadn't picked up the scent or sound of somebody approaching. 

"James, don't go next week." he said instantly. The Marauder's had been civil with each other, speaking when absolutely necessary. James and Sirius would've been hexing each other constantly if it had not been for the calming, if not slightly scary presence of Remus and Lily. 

He felt James pause and he smelt the confusion, "Just promise me you won't?" Remus didn't turn round, he didn't need to to know that James was hurt and puzzled. 

"Why?" The word was forced out as if talking to Remus was a mortal sin.

"Promise me. As one last favour from an old friend." 

"But I never said I wouldn't be there-"

"James! You turn up there and Moony will rip you to shreds! Do you not understand that?"

He felt James recoil, "Why will Moony rip me to shreds?" James asked calmly and Remus snorted as he realised that the most civilised conversation they had had in weeks was about a werewolf ripping him to shreds.

"Why do you think?" Remus snapped back. He wasn't about to tell James the truth. 

James sighed and stood behind him, "Fine. Just for the record, I won't tell anyone about your lycanoprothy either even if we aren't friends by the way." 

Remus went to smile but stopped himself and nodded curtly instead, "And just for the record James; I'm sorry about what I've done to the Marauder's."

"You haven't done anything!" 

"We've broken up because of me!" Remus gulped quickly and turned away, pretending not to notice the hot tears that spilt from his eyes, "It's always because of me!"

"It's not, normally it's me or Sirius' you're the peacemaker! "

"I should've left, at least you and Sirius wouldn't have to worry about me causing any more problems." 

_Shit._ "Remus, please please please don't leave! Sirius will kill me if you leave!"

Remus almost laughed, almost said that he would leave just to see James petrified. 

"What's going on in here?" Sirius asked coolly as he stepped into the dorm. From his point of view, Remus was crying and James was saying something to him. Trouble. "Potter, go."

James nodded and quickly left.

"Rem… what's wrong? What was all that about?" Sirius slung an arm around the werewolf. 

"I - I - I was telling James not to go to the moon."

"Why?"

Remus sighed but he could tell Sirius. "I'd rip him to pieces. In your words, he hurts you, I hurt him."

Sirius smiled slightly, playing with the werewolf's hair. 

"Don't you go either Sirius."

"What?" Sirius' hand dropped from Remus' hair. 

"I - I need to be alone this Moon. It's going to be bad and I can't risk anyone being there. Please. Please promise me."

Sirius sighed but kissed Remus gently, pulling the shaking werewolf to him. "Anything for you Rem."

**-X-X-X-X-X-**

"Remus said _what!"_

"Lily shhh!" James quickly hushed is girlfriend and repeated what he'd just said. 

"Remus said that the Marauder's always break up because of _him?"_

James nodded and Lily frowned. 

"James this has gone too far now, can't you just apologise or something and put it all behind you?" 

James sat back, affronted at the very thought. "No! I will not! If anything, Sirius should be apologising to _me."_

Lily sighed patiently, "I _meant _Remus. He sounds suicidal." 

"Oh fantastic. Sirius wants to kill _me _and you don't care, but if Remus is suicidal -"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence James Potter!"

James sat back and grumbled to himself instead. 

**-X-X-X-X-X-**

James shouldered his broom and set off back to the Tower, hours after his team had gone in; he had found that flying often helped to clear his mind. 

He was in the entrance hall when a stinging hex flew past his cheek. He jumped a mile and spun round, drawing his wand and pointing it at the offenders.

Three Slytherins. 

Regulas, Snape and Nott to be precise. 

His heart started beating a mile a minute. He normally had Sirius to help him deal with this.

"Has the little lion been thrown out of it's pride?"

James seethed but held his temper, waiting for them to throw the first hex. 

"Does nobody like it anymore?"

James bit his tongue. 

"Are you lost without them?" 

"Just get lost Snape. I haven't done anything to you." James muttered but didn't start walking away; he wasn't about to turn his back on three armed Slytherins. 

"Do you need your friends to back you up like Potter? Are you _scared?" _Snape taunted but James just raised an eyebrow. 

"Me? Scared of three idiots with sticks? Don't think so." 

Snape took a threatening step forward, "I think it's about time to teach _you _a lesson."

Three separate curses were sent towards him but he quickly deflected them and sent one back. 

But then a he was hit square in the back from an unseen attacker and he fell to the floor as rigid as a board.

"Well well well, the mighty lion has fallen." Snape stood over him and James tried to glare. "Why I think I'll try out a new spell of mine. _Sectum-" _

"Stupefy!" 

Snape was thrown backwards as Sirius ran towards them. _"Finite." _James quickly climbed to his feet and found his wand.

Him and Sirius stood shoulder to shoulder, wands raised as the three Slytherins helped Snape to his feet.

"That was a low trick." Sirius panted, "Getting Rosier to stay out of sight." His gaze then fell on Regulas. "Reg? You too? My god what mother must've done to you." His eyes had frozen and James knew Sirius would try to back out of the fight he'd been raring to get into. He always refused to harm his brother. 

"Mother hasn't done anything to me, _traitor." _

Sirius laughed, "The happiest day of my life was walking out of that hellhole. You should try it some time."

Snape, finally coming to his senses said "Why on earth are you helping Potter, Black. Here we were thinking you were making the right decision and finally disowning him and joining us!"

"I don't want to be a Slytherin thank-you very much. James and I made up last night anyway." Sirius growled with just a half glance in James' direction.

"_Kiss_ and make up did you?" 

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Of course. Now if you don't mind, we'd like to get back to the tower so _move."_

"No." Snape said stubbornly, crossing his arms and shaking his head.

But Sirius saw Regulas hesitate, "Can you remember what I did to Father Reg? Would you like me to repeat that now?" Regulas paled and hastily shook his head, "No? Then I suggest you and your - _acquaintances - _move."

Regulas nodded and tried to grab Snape's arm but Snape snarled and turned back towards Sirius and James. "Make me move."

"Fair enough." Sirius shrugged and the duel started. 

James and Sirius stayed side by side, their wands flashing as they deflected spells and cast their own.

Regulas had melted into the shadows and Nott had been knocked unconscious. 

Rosier was hit with a particularly bad case of boils and quickly took off down the corridor leaving Snape on his own.

Sirius got his wand and James backed him up against the wall.

"Now I suggest you _go." _Sirius dug his wand into the Slytherins neck and Snape nodded hurriedly before tailing down the corridor, his wand thrown after him. 

Stood there panting, James turned to Sirius. "Er - well thank-you."

Sirius eyed him coldly, "I didn't do that for you Potter." 

He turned and walked away, leaving a very confused James alone. 

**-X-X-X-X-X-**

As the full moon grew closer, Remus got extremely pale and ill.

His headaches got worse and his body started to hurt more than ever before.

Lily cornered Sirius after lessons the day before the full moon and said, "If you and James don't make up Remus is going to get killed."

Sirius nodded solemnly, "I know. But I can't help it. He knows that I don't want to make up with James so if him and I are suddenly best friends he'll know something's off."

Lily sighed. "James told me about the fight by the way."

Sirius' eyes instantly hardened, "I told him. I didn't do it for him, I would've very much liked to let them kill him but -"

"- Remus would've killed you." Lily finished his sentence and Sirius nodded. 

"Remus wanted to go down too but I wouldn't let him; he would've killed the Slytherins, quite literally."

"Why?" Her curiosity aroused.

Sirius laughed slightly, "We're his pack. And if anything harms or threatens his pack close to the full moon then he gets _very _dangerous."

Lily grinned, "Bless him and he thinks that he's to blame."

Sirius' eyebrows shot into his hair, "He thinks he's to blame about what?"

"Er - well -"

"Don't lie to me Lily!"

"He think's it's his fault that the Marauder's always fall out." 

Sirius let his head fall back against the wall, "He'll kill himself. Shit. Shit. Shit." Every word was met with his head knocking against the wall. 

"Sirius stop it! And what do you mean? I thought you said -"

"Look, has James ever told you about an incredibly stupid prank that I played involving Remus that quite literally broke the Marauder's apart." Lily shook her head. "Ask him about it. Anyway, the following Full Moon he warned all of us not to go so we didn't and well - put it this way, Madame Pomfrey said that if it ever happened again it would kill him for certain."

Lily frowned and then looked up at him accusingly, "What do you mean 'go with him'?"

"I - well - I really can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because it's illegal and I don't want to get you involved." Sirius said shortly and Lily gasped. 

"What have you done now?"

"I can't! You'll turn us in!"

"I won't! I promise!"

"If you were to know then the Marauder's would have to decide it as a group. I can't just tell you on my own." 

"But there is no Marauder's." Lily pointed out and Sirius sighed angrily.

"Fine! You know what fine! We're animagi! Happy now!"

Lily took a step back, " - what?"

"Padfoot, Wormtail and Prongs."

"Show me."

"What?"

"Show me!" 

Sirius hesitated, glanced around and then turned into a huge black dog before turning quickly back again. "Happy?"

Lily was smiling slightly, "You did that for Remus? All of you?"

Sirius nodded gravely.

"How can this be the end of the Marauder's? I thought I would never say this but - the Marauder's cannot break-up. You need each other." Lily smiled warmly and started walking away, "Don't worry! Your secret's safe with me!"

Sirius knocked his head on the wall again. He'd better tell Remus before Lily does. 

He started running.

**-X-X-X-X-X-**

"What the hell did you tell her for!" James and Remus shouted at the same time.

"We can trust her! And she's worried about you Rem." Sirius said desperately.

He'd reached the dorm and found Remus sat reading and James just coming out of the shower.

"Why is she worried about me?" Remus asked, grimacing as his head throbbed painfully. 

Sirius glanced at James before answering, "Because you could get seriously injured tomorrow night."

Remus sighed and shut his eyes, "I know. I know I will, but there's nothing we can do about it." 

Sirius started pacing and James bit his lip, their arguments forgotten.

"And don't even think about 'making-up' or any of that crap." Remus warned them, "I'll be fine. Seriously!" 

James and Sirius shared a worried glance, too scared for Remus to hate each other.

"I'll be fine guys!"

**-X-X-X-X-X-**

With just half an hour left till Moon rise, Remus shuffled over to where James, Lily and Peter were sat in front of the fire and dumped Sirius next to them before taking a deep breath and smiling sadly.

"I'd just like to say thank-you. Just - just in case - just in case something happens to me t-tonight. Thank-you for everything you've given me over these years, I don't how I would've managed without you. Thanks for accepting me, thanks for being there and thanks for being understanding. I'm sorry I've never been able to pay you back but I just want you all to know how much you truly mean to me. So, thank-you." He paused and a horrified silence had fallen. "But it's true what they say; the thing you love the most will kill you. I'm sorry for _everything! _I'm sorry that I destroyed the Marauder's! I'm sorry that I betrayed your trust James, I'm sorry that I couldn't love you Lily. I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend. After everything you did for me I had to go and ruin it!"

Thick tears had started to pool but he bit them back with determination; he needed to tell them this whilst there was still time.

"So in a way this goodbye. We'll all meet again some day but thank-you for my life and good-luck with your own. Goodbye." The casual tone of his voice shocked even him but he found he could do nothing but smile and he turned to walk away but not before two hands gripped his shoulders and turned him back round.

Stormy grey eyes were boring into him, "It's not good-bye, you'll get through this!"

Remus shook his head and peeled Sirius' fingers off him, "You know as well as I do that I won't survive this Full Moon. I love you Sirius, never forget it."

Sirius' mouth almost fell open and a sudden promise floated to mind, "I thought you said you weren't leaving me? I thought you said you'd always be here for me?" His voice had rose and people were starting to look over.

Remus refused to shrink back but held Sirius' gaze, "I didn't know I was going to die when I made that promise," he said coldly. 

"Don't give up this easily! You're life isn't over until you decide it's over! Fight this Rem! I really need you…"

Remus bit his lip, "I can't change my stars."

"Yes! Yes you can! I changed mine! I was born as Black but I'll die as Sirius, just don't give up on me Remus! Don't leave us, we _all _need you!" Sirius was shaking him slightly, oblivious to the tears that were trailing Remus' cheeks. 

"I'm not going to make a promise I can't keep Sirius and I don't want us to part on bad terms -"

"What the hell did you expect? Me to just calmly say goodbye with a cheery wave?" 

James and Peter were watching with fearful fascination.

"Do you honestly think it's that easy to stand here and say goodbye to you all? Do you honestly think that I can accept my own death? We all know I'm going to die tonight, there is absolutely no point in denying it!" Remus could barely control his voice as it grew in volume. "I'm going to die. You can stand there and tell a load of bullshit or you can kiss me one last time and let me walk to the Shack with my head held high."

But defiance had entered Sirius' eyes. "No. I'm not going to kiss you because you're not to going to die. What happened to the Remus Lupin I fell in love with?" 

Remus sighed, "We've been through this before! People change Sirius! People change!"

Sirius snorted, "No, one hiccup and you're ready to give up. Well what about me? What am I meant to do once you die?"

"It's not one hiccup at all! You have no idea what my life has been like! I gave up _years _ago! And it seems the wolf has finally agreed to put me out of my misery!" Remus stated calmly, his nerves on fire.

"WE DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH BECAUSE YOU WON'T TELL US! YOU DON'T LET ANYONE GET CLOSE ENOUGH SO THEY CAN HONESTLY SAY THEY KNOW YOU!" Sirius yelled, his temper snapped. 

"You can never truly know somebody Sirius because nobody truly knows themselves." Remus snarled back. "My life has been nothing but complicated and I'm quite happy to throw in the towel now."

Sirius took a step back, shaking his head and sneering, "Well you know what then, me and you are _over. _And if you do live? Then I want nothing more to do with you _ever. _You've changed and not in a good way. And do you what else? I hope you do fucking die tonight… _werewolf._"

Remus looked close to punching him and breaking down in tears but Lily, realising what time it was quickly shoved Remus towards the portrait hole. 

He took off without a backwards glance.

Once it had slammed shut silence descended on them until James stood up, turned to Sirius and said "Congratulations! You've just guaranteed that Moony will die tonight." 

Lily caught James' fist.

"What the hell do you care Potter?" 

"He is my friend -"

Sirius snorted, "Yeah. That's why you've been ignoring him and treating him like dirt for the past couple of weeks." Sirius turned and walked away, desperately trying to hide the tears that were clouding his eyes 

"Go with him." Lily said quietly, "You never know, you could prevent it."

James sighed but shook his head softly, "No. He isn't wrong when he says it's going to be bad. And if he found out, he'd go mad Lily. It isn't worth it."

"Not worth it? So you can't face an angry Remus just to save his life!"

James laughed humourlessly, "You really don't know him do you? He puts everybody before himself and anyway, he'll stay alive now if only to prove Sirius wrong. It's how it works."

Lily turned to Sirius who had sat down on the sofa, black hair covering his face, his entire body shaking.

She put an arm around his shoulders and hugged him tentatively, Peter patting him on the back.

The three boys and one girl sat in a mournful, heavy silence until at last Lily broke it, "What do you think Peter?"

"I think all we can do is wait, wait and pray." 

* * *

**I thought why not make the number of chapters a nice round ten? And anyway, this wayyou have to wait not to see if Remus dies or not...**

**Very much like the last chapter I think, but this time James and Sirius aren't quite so full of anger and more worried that their (ex)best-friend is going to accidently-on-purpose rip themselves to pieces so yeah...**

**Anyway, let me know whether Remmie Pie (Hehe... sorta ryhmes!) should die or not and if he doesn't, should he and Sirius get back together?**

**ReviewxD**

**P.s Does anyone think my writing style is poetic or weird in stories like NothingButDreams? Was having a debate with abestfriend; my writing style drives her up thewall for some reason, only affects her mind,but anyway, _doesit seemweird in any shape or form?_**


	10. Broken Dreams X

****

Chapter 10

The sun had barely rose and Lily was pushing them out of the Common Room despite Sirius' half hearted attempts at staying behind.

"You know as I well as I do that you have absolutely no intention of breaking up with Remus," Lily snarled, gripping Sirius' forearm and digging a wand into his back, "Now _move."_

When they finally arrived at the Hospital Wing, Lily gave the job of guarding Sirius to James who seemed to take great pleasure in digging a wand into Sirius' neck.

Lily knocked on the door and silenced the boys with a look, knowing that the results would more than likely be better if she spoke.

"Is it urgent? It's just I'm busy…" Madame Pomfrey shouted from somewhere on the other side of the door.

All the blood immediately left Sirius' face.

__

No… Remus… No…

"Erm, well we'd like to see Remus if we can, please?" Lily called back hesitantly.

The door was pushed open and Madame Pomfrey stood panting, blood spattered across her robes and face.

"Is - what - you - Is he alright?" James finally stuttered out, still taking in the appearance of the Medi-witch.

Madame Pomfrey suddenly looked extremely grave and Sirius' heart plummeted.

__

No… He can't… He wouldn't… No…

"No…" He barely whispered, causing Peter to shoot him a wary glance.

Madame Pomfrey's head suddenly snapped towards a curtained area and she turned ghostly white, "Be a dear and someone fetch Dumbledore, it's rather urgent," she said faintly and Lily wasted no time in nodding at James to go and pushing past Madame Pomfrey.

Peter followed her quickly but Sirius dawdled.

__

Did he really want to see what he'd caused…?

Heavy footfalls announced the arrival of the Headmaster and Sirius gulped, his face still ashen before James rushed past him without a second glance.

__

Now or never…

He could say goodbye at least…

"What is it Poppy?"

Sirius took a hesitant step towards the bed and immediately wished he hadn't.

He caught sight of a small form curled up; bruisesbloodcutsscratchesbanadgaes_blood…_

And he promptly threw up.

Feeling more sick with himself, he edged closer still, shaking and feeling faint.

"No…" He whispered again.

Peter made room for him and had to remind himself to breathe.

__

Remus…

his

_Remus… _

Taking a shuddering breath, he gripped Peter's shoulder tightly and found Lily on the other side of him, supporting him, holding him, comforting him…

"Remus…"

Dumbledore and Pomfrey were deep in a hurried conversation, snatches of which kept floating over to him…

_"Parents…"_

_"…Ministry…"_

_"… operation…"_

_"…Potions…"_

_"… broken bones…"_

_"…scarred skin…"_

_"… death."_

_'No…No…No…No…No…NO…NO…NO…NO! It was Remus, Remus who never gave up… Remus… gentle, loving Remus… Stubborn, brave Remus… NO…NO…NO… he wouldn't d-_Sirius repeated over and over in his mind; something to put his focus on, something to distract him.

Lily was murmuring softly in his ear, vivid green eyes fixed upon broken, battered Remus…

Peter was watching everything with a horrified silence, his mouth open and his eyes blank… so much blood…

James was gripping an edge of a table tightly, knuckles white, body tense…

Madame Pomfrey began moving bandages around, showing the Headmaster the worse of the damage, disregarding the four students that were watching with increasing apprehension in favour of making sure her patient lived.

Sirius almost threw up again at the sight of the mangled skin.

"He'll be fine," Sirius said suddenly. His voice seemed small but strong and he repeated it again, force behind his words. "He'll be fine."

Professor Dumbledore turned to him, the piercing blue gaze unusually subdued, "We can only hope Mr Black."

Remus didn't even stir at the commotion around him, his transformations had finally taken a toll on his body.

Sirius found himself stepping forward, trying to ignore the blood, the poison, the hurt…

Taking a deep breath and suppressing the urge to retch, he took Remus' limp hand in his own, almost recoiling at the slimy, clammy skin beneath his hands.

"He'll fine; he's Remus. Remus is always fine," Sirius said yet again, sounding confident and bright. He looked up at the people staring at him as though he were mad. "It's Remus. He's probably just messing around; he's a Marauder after all." Sirius laughed slightly, a empty dry laugh that sounded dead even to his own ears.

Life without Remus…

He couldn't imagine it…

Biting down on his lip, he turned back to Remus and tried to smile. "He's Remus, he'll be fine…"

A hand on his shoulder…

He shrugged it off.

A hand on his arm…

He twisted away from it.

An arm around his waist…

He ignored it.

People spoke… people moved… people came… people went…

But nothing registered to Sirius, all that mattered was he was there, still holding Remus' hand, that's all that mattered, nothing else…

__

Remus would be fine… Remus was always fine… It was Remus…

"Come on Sirius, his parents are here." Sirius started, he didn't know he'd been stood for that long, staring, simply staring at his friend and willing him to wake up, clutching the his hand as though Sirius' very life depended on it.

"But I want to be here when he wakes," Sirius insisted.

The voice sighed, "Come on. His parent's want to be alone with him, they want to say a last g-g-good -" The voice broke off but Sirius didn't move, his gaze still fixed on Remus.

"I _need _to be here when he wakes up and need to tell him I'm sorry, that I love him," Sirius stated.

Two pairs of hands tugging at him…

"No!"

Grips tightening…

"No!"

Pulling him away…

"NO!"

"Sirius! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it right now! There's nothing they can do for him, we have to wait Sirius and let time do it's job!" The voice was hushed and shrill.

"I need to be there… he needs me… I _need _him…"

"Lily's right Sirius, _stop it! _Madame Pomfrey and Dumbledore have done all that they can; it's out of their hands now." This voice was patient yet weary.

Sirius scoffed, "What do they know? He's about to wake up and you _know _he loves to see us straight after a transformation…"

"He might not wake up." But it fell on deaf ears.

"We've got to go back -"

"Sirius why can't you understand!? He's dying! He's dying and his parents want one last chance to be with their son so can you please just respect that! We can go and see him afterwards." James finally snapped, pushing Sirius roughly down into a chair in the deserted Common Room.

"He's not dying… haven't we already established that? He's just pranking us James, I bet he is you know; the crafty bugger he is."

James sighed and put his head in his hands, speaking very slowly, "Listen to me Sirius; he might not wake up okay? This - this could've finally beaten him. He isn't pranking us, you _know _Remus doesn't agree with pranking -"

"Leave it James." Lily interrupted, knowing that Sirius was past panic, despair, hurt, denial, guilt… "He needs to come to terms with it by himself."

White noise.

Meaningless white noise.

Sirius didn't hear them, didn't know it was him they were talking about.

Didn't know. Didn't care.

__

Remus would be fine…

He sat for hours, hardly blinking, hardly breathing.

__

Remus would be fine…

He refused to talk, just nibbled his bottom lip.

__

Remus would be fine…

Night had fallen and the traitorous moon hung outside the window. Sirius turned away from it, casting one evil glare it's way.

__

Remus would be fine…

"Sirius… Sirius? Dumbledore wants to see us…"

To tell them that Remus was fine, that Remus was recovering, yes, yes that's why Dumbledore wanted to see them.

He trudged behind James, oblivious to the concerned glances, the sympathetic smiles.

"Mr Potter, Mr Black, Mr Pettigrew, Miss Evans." Dumbledore welcomed them to his study, his eyes dull.

"Where's Remus?" Sirius asked, standing in the middle of the office, looking around him. "I thought he'd be here, I thought that was why we came…"

Dumbledore shot a confused glance at James who just shrugged, looking bewildered.

"Remus is in the Hospital Wing with his parents Mr Black."

Sirius started towards the door, "Well come on then. We've got to go visit him…"

James groaned but it was Peter who guided Sirius into a chair, "Not just yet, he's just taking some potions and then we can."

"I don't quite know how to word this but I fear Mr Lupin may not survive though you already know this."

It sank in for three of them. Dumbledore saying it made it real. Made it hurt…

James nodded gravely, Lily whimpered, Peter stayed stock still and Sirius started humming.

Dumbledore gave him another concerned glance, "Is he alright?"

James almost laughed, "We _think _it's shock…"

"Understandable…" Dumbledore muttered before turning back to the others, "Remus may have to go into St Mungo's for a while."

James made a noise in the back of his throat and Lily gripped his wrist tightly.

Sirius checked his watch and got up impatiently, "We can't keep Remus waiting!"

Lily shared a look with James, "Sirius, Remus isn't going to wake up anytime soon. He's in a _coma…_"

Sirius snorted, "Yeah right. I bet this is part of the prank isn't it? You're going to make me think that he's really ill and then -"

"No Sirius. No." James had crossed the room and held Sirius at arm length, his eyes boring into Sirius. "No. Remus is _very very _ill. There's a good chance he's not going to come back -"

"You're wrong." Sirius insisted, holding back tears of the bitter truth. After all, there was no reason to cry…

"Sirius _please… _You're not making this easy. Remus is _dying _Sirius. _Dying. _Remember what that means? He's almost _dead _Sirius. _Dead! _Now will you please stop acting like a prick and just sit down."

"No. No! Because Remus is not almost d-d-d-d-" But the word caught in the back of his throat and he settled for tearing Dumbledore's door open and storming outside.

"Let him go James."

****

-X-X-X-X-X-

__

Dying…

__

Dead…

__

Death…

__

Cold, empty death…

Sirius sat upon the highest tower he could reach, looking at the ground below and wondering what would happen if he slipped that few inches and started to plummet…

He had transformed into Padfoot… Padfoot couldn't feel as much raw emotion… Couldn't understand much except death could happen…

He let Padfoot take over his mind, something he didn't do often.

He didn't want to think about it…

He didn't want to _think…_

He pressed himself closer to the edge, shaggy black fur seemed limp and coarse, his eyes were dull and his nose dry.

He didn't want to think…

****

-X-X-X-X-X-

"Why's he taking it so badly?" Dumbledore asked almost conversationally.

"Er - well - they had a bit of an argument last night and I think Sirius feels as though it's his fault," replied James.

"I don't think he's feeling at all actually," Lily added, "He's in shock and denial."

"Understandable really."

"Of course."

****

-X-X-X-X-X-

The ground seemed to be calling him…

If he just moved that bit further…

****

-X-X-X-X-X-

"Not to alarm anyone but - er - well Padfoot is on top of a tower, dangerously close to the edge…"

****

-X-X-X-X-X-

That extra couple of millimetres and he wouldn't be to blame anymore…

He wouldn't be…

He wouldn't exist…

He would simply become _nothingness…_

****

-X-X-X-X-X-

"Shit. Shit. Shit." James muttered as he ran up the stairs.

****

-X-X-X-X-X-

But what about Remus?

Remus was still hanging on by that thread…

That small, fine thread…

What would he think when he woke to find out Sirius was dead?

Because Remus _was _going to be perfectly fine, no doubt about it.

Would Remus even care…?

****

-X-X-X-X-X-

"Hurry up!" James wheezed over his shoulder. "He keeps edging closer -"

****

-X-X-X-X-X-

He turned back into Sirius.

He'd told Remus he would die as _Sirius _not as Padfoot after all.

But did he want to die?

Did he want to cease to exist?

Did he want to be smashed on the ground in tiny bits and pieces?

No… No… it would ruin his looks.

No…

He needed something clean…

__

Avada Kedavra?

His mind supplied.

No, he replied, too dark magic.

__

Slit wrists?

Too much blood.

__

Gun shot?

Where would he get one of _those…_

Alcohol poisoning?

Too long.

__

Just poison?

Dark magic.

__

Knife?

Too sharp.

__

Overdose?

Ooh… Now there's an idea!

Smiling slightly, Sirius stepped away from the edge and opened the door, deciding that he'd say goodbye to Remus first and ran smack bang into James.

"Padfoot! Thank-god - don't - do - it -" James panted, shaking Sirius.

"Pardon?" Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow.

"-Don't - throw - yourself - off - tower -" James panted again. "-I'm - not - picking - you - up -"

"I was going to see Remus …" Sirius replied, deciding that his suicide should maybe be held off.

He was quite happy alive…

****

-X-X-X-X-X-

They crept into the Hospital Wing, two shadows in the night.

Sirius was instantly at Remus' side, pushing brown hair away the smaller boy's face, letting his hand caress the slightly cold cheek.

"I'm so sorry Rem.. I never meant it… I love you too much to mean it… I'm sorry… I love you…" Sirius kept repeating over and over again, clutching Remus' hand tightly and biting back tears till his mouth was metallic and red with blood.

He stayed where he was for most of the night, climbing onto the bed next to Remus and holding the young werewolf to his chest, desperately trying to keep the tears at bay.

__

He could not make crying a habit…

"You'll be alright Rem…"

James tried to pry him away but Sirius just clung tightly to Remus, almost growling at James.

When the first signs of light began to creep into the ward, Sirius fell into an uneasy sleep, James already slumbering lightly in the chair.

****

-X-X-X-X-X-

" - are they -"

" - yes -"

" - how long ? -"

"- a while -"

Sirius blinked, smiling slightly when he felt the familiar warm weight of Remus next to him.

A smile that soon disappeared when everything came flooding back to him.

His surroundings began to kick in and he realised Mrs Lupin was stood watching him warmly, a handkerchief clapped to her mouth and her eyes red.

Sirius blinked slowly, trying to register why everyone was staring at him.

Then it clicked.

"Er - Remus is going to tell you this summer holiday," said Sirius.

Mrs Lupin patted him on the shoulder, "It's quite alright dear, I'm just glad he got to know love."

"Got?" Sirius blinked again. "Oh god! He's not - ?"

"No! No! Not yet anyway, but it won't be long apparently."

Sirius sat up, gazing down at Remus. Two long scratches now covered most of his face and Sirius winced when he saw them.

__

The wolf must've been so angry…

****

-X-X-X-X-X-

"We should've gone James!" Sirius was saying two days later, there had been no sign of improvement and only Sirius seemed to remain optimistic.

Sirius had also decided that he'd give Remus a week and then, if there was no sign of life, Sirius would take an overdose.

What was life without love?

What was love without life?

Life without Remus would be barely worth living…

"Are you mad Sirius?! You've seen what he's done to himself! He would've done that to _us!" _

"At least he would've stood a better chance. I would gladly -"

James sighed, "I know, I _know. _And believe me, I would give my life for the pair of you too but you know what Remus is like, if we'd gone and he was fine he would've killed us anyway. And I think there would be some very awkward questions too."

Sirius folded his arms, grumbling. "The last thing I ever said to him was that I wanted to break up though. God, I feel so bad about it now!"

James patted his arm, this was a conversation they'd repeated several times in the past couple of days and a conversation they would more than likely repeat again. "What are you going to do if he doesn't pull through? Find somebody else?"

Sirius laughed wildly, "But he will pull through!"

James rose an eyebrow but Sirius didn't reply just gulped noisily a few times.

"Have you even cried yet?"

Sirius looked at him oddly, "Black's don't cry." James just rose another eyebrow in reply. "No as a -matter-of-fact- because Remus is still alive and is _going to get better."_

James nodded sedately, "Look, before I forget Lily keeps telling me to do this so -" James took a deep breath, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the fast few weeks, I'm sorry for the way I treated you and Remus. It's partly my fault Remus is in such a state as well…"

The dam within Sirius almost broke down at these words.

He sniffed once or twice, regained his composure and then replied, "Funny thing that James, Remus told me that you and I had to sort things out as sort of a l-l-last request."

James' eyes glistened momentarily, "Friends?" He asked, holding out his hand.

"Marauder's you mean." And they shook on it.

Another quarrel about to be layered by years of dust.

****

-X-X-X-X-X-

The end of the week was drawing to a close and not a day went by without Sirius glued to Remus' side.

"The wounds are fairly light for him," Madame Pomfrey had explained to him one day, deciding that if he wouldn't go to normal classes he could at least learn _something, _"but he got scratches in a lot of places he doesn't normally and the amount of wounds meant some of them sort of merged together and literally tore his skin to pieces.

He lost a lot of blood because of this and as the wounds were too large to heal completely, he kept loosing blood."

He had looked at her blankly and she'd smiled weakly.

"I've had to re-grow most of his bones, skin and blood. It's why he hasn't yet recovered and even then he might not recover at all."

He'd just nodded and tried to block out the pain.

__

Remus was going to get better…

****

-X-X-X-X-X-

It had reached the week after the Full Moon and Sirius had crept into the hospital wing one last time.

He was crouched over Remus, tears striking his eyes like sharp needles.

But he wouldn't give in to them.

"Goodbye Remus," he whispered, kissing Remus softly on the lips. "I love you Rem. And I'm sorry for what I'm said, I'm sorry for what I did. Sorry."

The words were pouring out of his mouth and he found he couldn't stop them.

"James and I have made up but it's not the same. We blame each other for what's happened to you, we blame each other for not stopping it, we blame each other… I should've never broke up with you and James should've just laughed the Lily thing off."

He smiled sadly.

"Too late now though. It's been a week and I - I just can't cope anymore, to put it plainly. I can't stand not having you around, I can't stand it Rem! I can't stand it! You promised you wouldn't leave me, but you have. You have… You have!"

He checked his watch.

"I can't take anymore so I'm here to say goodbye, like you did last week. You wanted us to stop you last week, I know you did. I hated you so much Rem for giving up so easily, I can understand, but still, Life isn't easy. Life isn't all sunshine and roses. Life isn't always perfect. But you cope. You just have to cope."

He sighed again, laughing slightly.

"God I sound like a hypocrite. But you do have a point, it sometimes gets too much, too far. And this, this is too far for me. I've been screaming for it to stop all week now and it hasn't happened yet."

He fingered the pills in his hand.

"I've wanted to hold you and tell you how much I love you all week, whilst you were conscious may I add but it hasn't happened. And I just, I just, I just can't take it anymore… I can't take it-"

Sirius' voice broke as the tears got even closer to the surface.

"I've been waiting for this all week, looking forward to the end of the torment. The way I see it , there's two options; either wait for you to get better (which is highly unlikely) or end it by ending my life. And I can't cope anymore, I just can't-" A sudden flashback of Remus saying the words to him and Sirius bit his lip, "I sound like you don't I? But it's too true… live and cope or die and forget? Dying seems appealing right now -"

He took a sip of the Firewhiskey.

"As you're always telling me, who wants to live forever anyway? So goodbye Remus, goodbye."

The tears had started now, just to say escaping.

He felt them trail his cheeks but he didn't try to stem them, _this was goodbye after all…_

He kissed Remus' feverish brow one last time before toasting an imaginary person and popping the pills into his mouth.

But a hand grabbed the bottle before he could swallow.

"Jesus Sirius, am I going to have to stop you doing something rash, hasty and something you'll definitely regret later every time I come back?"

"REMUS!" Sirius threw his arms around the werewolf, hastily jumping away when the werewolf winced. "How long have you been awake?"

"Ages. Madame Pomfrey said you'd more than likely pop by and it was the first time you'd actually left my side all week," Remus wheezed, coughing slightly. "And yes, you most definitely are the world's biggest hypocrite."

Sirius shifted sheepishly. (A/N Hehe… I love that.)

"And I should really be very annoyed with you," Remus started, trying to glare at Sirius, "but I was informed that you were the only one to not give up on me when the others did, despite the fact that you supposedly 'love' me, why didn't you give up? … Before now at least."

"Well… You're Remus -"

"Well done -"

"Shush you! You're Remus and Remus is _always _alright. Can't get rid of you in fact." His eyes had lit up, back to the bright silver they normally were and a bright happy grin covered his face.

"And by the way I don't always say who wants to live forever? It's a song you prat."

Sirius just smiled, "I'm just glad I haven't lost you." He kissed Remus softly, their lips barely touching, a brief thought floating to the top of his head. "Your mother knows about us by the way."

The little colour Remus had drained away, "H - how?"

"She found us in bed together." Sirius said impatiently.

Remus choked, "I've been unconscious all week! What the bloody hell have you been doing to me?!"

Sirius had the decency to blush, "I was just laid next to you," he mumbled.

Remus laughed slightly, his eyes catching the pills on the floor, "I haven't given up completely on life yet so you can't either. Deal?"

"Deal. And I do love you Rem and er - well, I don't want us to break up."

"Don't worry about it, emotions and all." Remus smiled sadly, suddenly noticing how tight his face was. "What's wrong with my face?"

"What?"

"My face, it feels funny -"

Sirius kissed him quickly, effectively cutting him off. Remus could do without the self doubt that would no matter appear.

"I love you forever and always, yeah?"

Remus nodded. "What's happened to my face?" he repeated.

Sirius hesitated.

"You've got two scratches -"

"Oh god."

"But I still think you're beautiful …"

****

-X-X-X-X-X-

It was at least another week until Remus was discharged.

Sirius, overjoyed to have his boyfriend back, had completely forgotten any suicide attempts and in return, Remus just never mentioned them.

When Remus hobbled into the Common Room, Lily and James were smiling and Peter waved happily.

Remus hugged James and then Peter.

He then glanced at James, who nodded embarrassedly and then he hugged Lily _with James' permission…_

Settling down in front of the fire, he leant back against Sirius' chest, feeling the warmth seeping into him.

"Thanks for not going guys." Remus said at one point, "I hate to think what I would've done if you'd been there."

"No problems mate, what about this moon? Can we go then?"

Remus shuddered, "Please do."

Sirius smiled into Remus hair, kissing the back of the werewolf's neck lightly, "Love you."

Sirius would mutter it when ever he got the chance, liking the way the words sounded.

He sensed rather than saw Remus smile and grinned in return.

"I'm glad the Marauder's are back," Remus muttered starting the topic all of them had been dreading.

"We're the Marauder's. The Marauder's are here to _stay." _James cried forcefully, pumping his fist into the air. "The Marauder's, as you would say Remus, have got Staying Power!"

"Yeah!"

James caught sight of Lily watching him bemusedly, "Or should I say Marauder's and Lily?"

"Oh no," Sirius started, his eyes glinting, "We're just the Marauder's. Lily included."

Lily smiled in return.

Remus let his head fall back again Sirius' chest, pushing his face into Sirius' shirt and inhaling deeply.

Grinning slightly, his eyes drooped shut.

Staying Power.

He liked the sound of that…

* * *

Well… This is also Goodbye from me guys! (Unless you're reading RevengeGoneWrong that is) It's been fun to write this and believe it or not, **Broken Dreams. **started out as just a three part fiction that somehow became 10 chapters long.

Hope you've all enjoyed this as much as I have! This chapter has literally just been wrote so sorry about mistakes but I will go through and correct them all at some point after my exams this summer. This chapter is also one of the longest I've wrote unbelievably!

Staying Power is a very good Queen song btw (Just in case you can't tell, I'm going through a Queen 'phase' and have decided that Remus can too.)

I've also got to say that writing a chapter without Remus felt almost lonely…

BYEBYE!

And for one final time: Review xD

P.s Sometime in the future (more than likely next year) look out for a slash story called WPA by me. I'm deciding to give writing the story and then putting it up on a schedule a go but me an organisation don't mix as a rule so anything could happen.


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